J

Hey y’all, I’m sorry I haven’t been active at all in the past couple months, there’s been a lot going on. Turns out something might be wrong with my heart, they did an EKG because I kept passing out but my bloodwork was normal and something wasn’t right with that so I have a referral to a cardiologist. Hopefully it’s nothing too serious. Also, on a more positive note, your girl’s got a new boyfriend! He and I have been friends for a couple years and honestly I’ve had feelings for him for a while but never acted on them because I didn’t want the friendship to be weird but I’m already a lot happier than I was in my last relationship. Also he and I are campaigning for sophomore homecoming court because some friends pressured us into it, so that’s fun.
          J.N.

Hey y’all, I’m going through and editing all of my poetry in Earthquakes and Aftershocks. I’m not really editing any of the words, (although I might, I can be spontaneous), just the style they’re written in. You can check it out when I’m done if you want to, and if you don’t, that’s cool too, you’ll see the different style in my newer writing anyway. I’m also going to be changing some titles, and removing any author’s notes in the book because I feel like they’re tacky and I’ve been considering trying to publish some of my work.
          -J.N.

Don’t you just love when you haven’t been to therapy in over a month because your dad is too lazy to schedule an appointment for you and is usually too drunk when you remind him to even care, but also it’s kinda fine because you know the therapist is just gonna comment on the fact that you’ve lost even more weight and have added even more scars to your arms since last time, and also you don’t really like her anyway because she only listens to all the bullshit your dad told her at the very beginning and you don’t want to correct everything he said because anxiety, so you just let her ask questions about what he told her without telling her about any of the stuff she doesn’t know about? Cuz same.
          -J.N.

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Sorry I’ve been inactive for so long. That boy I thought I was in love with? He was manipulative and emotionally abusive, and my sister finally convinced me to end it. Also, a new poem is up, y’all should check it out.
          -J.N.

God, I fucking love this boy so much. He understands my situation and he wants to help me work through things, and he doesn’t give me the “kicked puppy” look when I talk about stuff from my past, he just listens and supports me and tells me he loves me, and I know he means it, and in return he talks about his own past and I return the same courtesy. No “kicked puppy” looks and no judgement, just love and support. And I don’t want it to end but it probably will at some point and that’s probably my biggest fear. I never want to let him go.
          ~J

Hey y’all, I was picked to sing the national anthem at my school’s basketball game on Tuesday even though I’m a freshman and they usually have a senior do it, so yeah, that’s pretty cool. Have y’all been given any opportunities like that recently?
          ~J

Hey y’all, if you want a review of your book, @argorak has a review book and gives great, detailed reviews. You should definitely go check it out.
          ~J

I didn’t get a chance to talk to my boyfriend about cutting and my ED on Sunday, but I told him I need to talk to him about a few things and he said he needs to talk to me about something too, so we decided we’ll have those conversations tomorrow morning before school, since our school doesn’t start until 9 on Thursdays. Any advice would be very much appreciated, since I’m really fucking anxious about telling him. Wish me luck.
          ~J

I’ve decided that I’m definitely going to tell my boyfriend that I cut, as soon as I have the chance to. He’s gonna come over to my house on Sunday, and I’ll probably have a good opportunity to tell him then. Any suggestions for exactly how to do so? Like what to do and what not to do?
          ~J