Your story is honestly good
But i have some issues with it
Narration and storytelling is top tier
Excellent pov telling
Very high enjoyablity
Strong consistency and side cast
Now the flaws
Chapter wise pacing is good but story progress is meh, 10 chapters we're still in mall, unless this is a slow burn it would be a huge issue
Side character inconsistency
Very weak opening impact(self explanatory)
The story revolves very much around the narrator
Take him out Where's the story?
These are all the issues i found in the story
If you could fix it i really appreciate it
