Your story is okay but not emotionally gripping. It was hard to Immerse myself in the book and sit through it because I couldn't Connect to the Main character. There was a small External conflict, but nothing gripping enough to develop your main character. Overall, it is flat for a first attempt. It is almost like AI(Chat GPT wrote it). Storytelling is an art, and world-building is even more of a skill. creating an immersive story and causing the reader to escape and become the main character is even harder. I wrote The Number 1, and Number 9 story in this tag as well as as 65 in Selfhelp out of 7.89k stories as well as 26 in yafansty and 34th in ya fiction out of 2.5k stories, and 900th in mentalhealth out of 69.3k stories
