Lily

I just randomly though of how Friday on her way home I was in the car with my little sister 2 brothers mom and her bf on the way home from school and my mom's bf was talking and my little brother in the very back of the car says shush and my mom's bf at the same time stops talking and my little brother without even thinking goes good boy and I bust out laughing (me and my mom that is) and than my mom's bf is so confused and my. 4 year old sis goes good boy and omg my mom's bf thought I was laughing at smth in my book and I try to explain to him while laughing also brings back where red would moan and say good boy to me and my friend when we ate at lunch

Liking him was supposed to be this funny little thing a reason to make school better and actually want to got to class everyday now it's like I do little things without notcing always gravating for the color red for anything the ruler for projects always manly grabbing red when I paint my nails, even want to dye my hair purple again just bcs red and blue makes purple (my fav color is blue and he wears red a lot) wanting red Crocs and converse again I have always wanted them but now they over pass wanting the yellow and brown converse and black Crocs I have been wanting it went from being a silly little crush to a lot of things remind me of him.

Okay so usually I am the BIGGEST girls girl I stay out of other girls relationships I tell her if there any miner imperfection she has mascara on her eyes makeup smuged hair out of place necklace weird earrings flipped everything but omg I can't do this anymore with Blondie like today at lunch I was at a table with a couple friends red and like 3 other random ppl and me and my one friend where talking about my crush gf (Blondie) and how she's kinda annoying bcs she changes so much on who she dated when she dated the dude from the Christan academy she was very Christan Jesus shirts cross all the time everything but now she dating my crush (who's country) and she's back to acting country and omg if I see her wear cowboy boots one more time (she hasn't worn them since like 5th grade) but I was talking to my friend in are science class (my crush is in there) and we where talking about how we thought my step brother and blondie should get together (we said this before she started dating red) and all and I was gonna mention smth about it to my step sister and all (texted it to her) bcs we really thought they where gonna date and all and my friend thought I was like trying to break them up I AM NOT BUT THEY DONT MATCH AT ALL LIKE THERE COMPLETE OPPOSITE NOT IN A CUTE LIKE OPPOSITE ATTRACTED LIKE WHY THE F ARE YALL EVEN TALKING THERE ONE LIKE DOFFRENT FOOD CHAINS TO LIKE UGH

Throw back to the time period when Conan Gray was becoming popular and heath manly and my sister didn't like him bcs "why does he want to be a girl that whole DOSNT make sense" (she does not see this now and that time period ened very fast when I had to explain it to her) also this time last year I was in a relationship and would be breaking up in just a couple weeks now I am over hear trying not to cry bcs my crush is dating someone improvement maybe

I am so fucking done we had a delay today bcs of the weather so at lunch my friend told me some things 1. Blondies friend k was made bcs k and A dated Red and blondie dated K's brother but Blondie said dating red (who she's still dating) is a mistake or may have said dating K's brother was idk and K was super mad about that and we don't think red likes Blondie that she asked him out but he said he would date anyone that likes him but ugh bcs she's all couply but he is not like that (with anyone) so she's always trying to walk super close to whoever she's daiting and all and it sucks bcs she's acting couply with him and I really don't want to see that and my perfume top broke off at some point today and there was another fight third this week this was only the third day of school so fights back to back one each day and just ugh

I thought I always noticed my ex bsf after we broke up looked out the window when we passed his house bus or car bcs it became engraved in my head to do it always looked for him in the halls and lunch room on the bus but I didn't have any classes with him so it was better I could ingore him better but I look for red more I have a class with him so when we have to watch the smart board my eyes drift to him on the other side of the room I see him passing notes to my ex bsf thinking about how just a couple weeks ago that was me why after all the bad stuff she did to me why does she get to talk to him and laugh at him and the stuff he does it's not fair I finally am noticing how much I like him and my friend who I mentioned a lot knows I still like him my bsf knew smth was wrong just by looking at me at lunch. I thought he liked me he always watched me pass notes to my friends, laugh, if I looked back at my table at lunch he be looking at me already if I went to look at him he was already looking at me, still ik he's looking at me I caught him multiple times yesterday he saw me go the other way the opposite way I usually go to not be next to him ik he had to notice I walked slower/faster to see him during dismissal. What changed how did my friend notice him walking with his new gf but wtv if I have a break down at school today maybe not near him

It all makes sense now I have been in ISS on Thursday and yesterday (we had Friday and Monday off) and today my friend who I mentioned a lot on these posts before told me she had smth to tell me (immediately knew it was about red my crush) well she says bitchy (my ex bsf) and I think bitchy and red got together no this girl who we call Blondie and red got together BUT HE HAS SHOWED NO INTREST IN HER EVER THEY NEVER TALKED (that me and my friend knew at least) how did this happen they started dating on Monday so good for them I guess but I thought Blondie was dating someone (she knew him when they went to a Christian academy than she came back and he came to are school they dates broke up and got back together but when did they break up again) but ik it's bad but I dont see them lasting long but it makes sense oh why he stopped sitting with me and my friend stopped talking to use if bcs her sister is in that class and blondie and him where "talking" he didn't want the sister going back to Blondie and telling her how me andy friend talk to him but wtv I don't care (I do care I just want to cry)

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I am so done I have a major headace I think it's bcs I am having withdrawals bcs I have ran out of my meds but also my mom thinks I am allergic or smth to my meds bcs I get dizzy, worse headaches, and my eye sight goes dizzy but all this has been happening before I started taking these meds but we also thought I had low iron bcs my mom's has it but I took tests for that ditabites and other things 3 years ago and I have none of that (that the test showed at least) but these dumb neighbors of mine where just yelling like bro it's a Sunday at five thirty wtf are y'all doing

I HAVE ISS I GOT CALLED TO THE ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL OFFICE DURING MY SCIENCE CLASS WITH THE KID I CALLED A CUNT THAN IN MY NEXT CLASS I GET CALLED BACK UP FOR MY PHONE SO I HAVE TOMORROW AND TUSDAY FOR ISS