this message may be offensive
so I've been gone for a bit I know, but I'm back now and I've got something to ask you guys. let me explain first though
for a while I've been.. I was.. very, not ok, SO not ok that I needed to use poetry as a method of therapy, until that is I got so depressed and unmotivated that I could barely put my heart into even that. this resulted in me almost failing a grade, to save myself from that fate I had to work day and night for about a month while still juggling my responsibilities to my disabled parent, dog breeding business, younger sibling, and whatever else had to be done. my life was more-than-usually chaotic, and I was miserable for it. on top of that I was still completely un-self-motivated, I only got shit done for other peoples sake and not my own even though It was my own ass I was saving. if it wasn't for the people around me screaming to wake the fuck up -literally and metaphorically- and making it about them rather than me I would have likely laid down like a coward and let my self drown in it all.
but the thing is, I didn't drown... the thing is, the chaos is over and my life is absolutely finally ok... but I'm not. I'm not ok with being ok. call this a call back but hey I'm a creature of habit, and I miss my chaos. I miss the peace I found in despair. now that I don't have to dig to find good, I cant take in and enjoy all the good around me.
so now back to what I wanted to ask you guys--
how do I be ok with being ok?
