SpeedyWasTaken

⁣⠀⠀⠀ (\/)
          ⠀⠀⠀ (•ㅅ•)      Don’t talk to
          ＿ノヽ ノ＼＿      me or my son
          /  / ⌒Ｙ⌒ Ｙ  ヽ     ever again.
          ( 　(三ヽ人　 /　  |
          |　ﾉ⌒＼ ￣￣ヽ   ノ
          ヽ＿＿＿＞､＿_／
          ⠀⠀ ｜( 王 ﾉ〈  ⠀ (\/)
          ⠀⠀/ﾐ`ー―彡\ ⠀(•ㅅ•)
          ⠀⠀/ ╰    ╯ \⠀⠀ /    \>

"Who’s joe?" a distant voice asks.
          
          Instantly everyone nearby hears the sound of 1,000s of bricks rapidly shuffling towards his location.
          
          The earth itself seemed to cry out in agony, until finally the ground itself split open and a horrific creature crawled from the ground, covered in mucus and tar.
          
          ”Joe Momma…” the creature whispered.
          
          The man cried out in pain as he disintegrated into dust, and the whole world fell silent in fear.
          
          "I did a little trolling." the wretched creature remarked before burrowing back into the earth.

"This is the story of a man named Stanley. Stanley worked for a company in a big building where he was employee number 427. Employee Number 427's job was simple: he sat at his desk in room 427, and he pushed buttons on a keyboard. Orders came to him through a monitor on his desk, telling him what buttons to push, how long to push them, and in what order. This is what Employee 427 did every day of every month and every year, and although others might have considered it soul-rending, Stanley relished every moment that the orders came in, as though he had been made exactly for this job. And Stanley was happy.
          And then one day, something very peculiar happened. Something that would forever change Stanley. Something he would never quite forget. He had been at his desk for nearly an hour when he realized that not one single order had arrived on the monitor for him to follow. No-one had showed up to give him instructions, call a meeting, or even say Hi. Never in all his years at the company had this happened - this complete isolation. Something was very clearly wrong. Shocked, frozen solid, Stanley found himself unable to move for the longest time. But as he came to his wits and regained his senses, he got up from his desk and stepped out of his office."