"Do you know what happens to girls who wear shorts that short? A white van picks them and they get all their holes resized. Not you Melissa, you're never getting molested."

--

"Trick or Treat!"
"And what are you supposed to be a disappointment?"

---

"Siri I need you to help me find a pharmacist."

"I have found 3 doctors nearby."

"Bitch I said a pharmacist!"

"I have found 7 drugs dealers nearby."

"Alright."

----

"Stop being blind, it's bad for your eyes."

---

"I'm too tired, carry me now!"

"Lift like your straight!"

*le falls*

"No anal for you tonight! Front butt only!"

-----

"Kids grab your shit, we're leaving!"

"Now Samantha you get your tablet, I don't want you talking to me."


------

"I know I'm straight, Dorian!"

"Well you can tell that to mom, and mom, and donor dad, and his transexual gurlfriend and their lesbian dog!"

--------

"Want to say that to my face?"

"I would if you had one but all I see is an ass with two eyes."


☝️Some quotes by the very awesome Brandon Rogers.