The_Akward_Trashbin

Happy birthday to Sailor Moon, Mini Moon, and ME

The_Akward_Trashbin

So, on February 19 I told y'all about how I admitted my depression to my mom, right? Well, she was really cool about it and was kinda trying to help me. But, about a month or two later, she kinda stopped acknowledging that. She went back to the yelling at me for not doing my chores, forcing me to interact with her friends that I've never met, getting on my ass about ever imperfection and slip-up. It's like it never happened... Now, whenever she's yelling at me for being "lazy" and "unproductive", I wanna say something like "Mom, I have to motivation to even eat, yet getting me to do chores is your concern? When my body DOES let me get out of bed, it usually takes hours and/or is at really weird hours. Which I hate because you don't want me in the kitchen after 11, so I stay up all night until 7 AM so that I can eat. Then, when sleep deprivation catches up to me, I sleep all day and wake up at midnight. Then the cycle repeats. I want you to understand this, seeing as you said that you did in April. But now it feels like you're treating me more shity than ever." 
          
          That's what I WANT to say... But I'm to anxious. So, despite barley being able to stand up without immediately falling over, I do the dishes, or the towels, or I vacuum, or any other chore that you or your boyfriend who I'm too scared to talk to could do easily. Like mom, I get you're stressed, but that doesn't mean I'm not. That's why I stay at my father's house so often. Because him and his finance don't pressure me into things. I can trust Jess more than I can trust my own mother for god's sake! I talk to Jess about all this btw. Not necessarily the depression part though. I just feel like I can open up... And I've gotten more depressed and anxious lately (Random thing: cying releases negative feelings).
          
          For example:  some people don't cry because they don't wanna be weak; I don't cry because I don't feel like I DESERVE to get rid of these thoughts...

The_Akward_Trashbin

@Linkiethehero It's fine, and there's someone I'm getting close to telling. And thanks
Reply

The_Akward_Trashbin

@Pansexual_Hamiltrash thanks, and I'll try. I unfortunately don't have access to melatonin. And thank you ❤❤
Reply

The_Akward_Trashbin

Me: *goes up 105 followers in 4 days*
          Also me: *loses 31 followers in 2 days*

The_Akward_Trashbin

@_-Found-_ While I understand that, it's really the only thing I can even slightly depend on. My parents kinda suck, my school has unreasonably high standards, and I only have like 4 friends to rely on. There's more, but I don't have much time left until I have to go. I appreciate you trying to help, but I don't know how much it'll help
Reply

_-Found-_

@The_Akward_Trashbin 
            
            Hi, my sister has no idea how to respond to this. I'm one of your old friends, people knew me as TR33 or Hide, idk when we talked but I remember this sksks
            
            Advice from satan himself: You loving yourself by the numbers you have will kill you, and you need to grow up. Everyday I worried about numbers and I cried when no one would look at the things I made. I gave up one day, and did what I liked, and soon I found people who liked what I did on my account and found people who honestly cared about my health and how I overworked myself to see my numbers raise.
            
            You will never love yourself if you depend on your followers and online world. This is the truth and if you can't change yourself then you'll never be happy.
            
            I can't help you any more than that but you can pm me @CRAZY-BXTCH if you want help or tips. This isn't good for your mental health and you complaining about losing the followers encourages people to unfollow you. I only got 180+ I think and it's been going up and down for quite some time. I overwork myself still to keep people interested and when my friends stop talking to me and complimenting my work I have meltdowns because of my issues.
            
            This will never fully go away but you gotta learn how to change it.
Reply

The_Akward_Trashbin

@BagelsAreCoolFiteMe 
            
            FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
            FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
            FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
            FFFFFFFFFFFFF
            FFFFFFFFFFFFF
            FFFFFFFFFFFFF
            FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
            FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
            FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
            FFFFFFFFFFFFF
            FFFFFFFFFFFFF
            FFFFFFFFFFFFF
            FFFFFFFFFFFFF
            FFFFFFFFFFFFF
            FFFFFFFFFFFFF
            FFFFFFFFFFFFF
Reply

Deadinside290483487

I (and this challenge) have a game for you.
          Once you read this, you must send this to 15 people.
          If you get 3 back, you are loved.
          If you dont, Jesus still love you.
          Nobody realizes.what's important until they loose it.
          Tonight at 11:59 your crush will realize they love you.
          Tonight from 1:00-2:00 get ready for the biggest shock of your life.
          If you break this, you will have bad luck.
          With love, send this to 15 ppl!~❤
          If you dont, you will turn ugly in other ppls eyes.
          Tomorrow 2 ppl will ask for your number.
          Send this to 15 ppl,.or bad luck will haunt you for a year.

The_Akward_Trashbin

this message may be offensive
I WENT UP 105 FOLLOWERS IN 4 DAYS! THE FUCK!? I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW Y'ALL LIKE ME LMAO, BUT THANKS HOLY SHIT! SO I'M AT 608, AND MY SELF HATRED (Which used to be VERY quickly getting worse) IS KINDA JUST LEVELED OUT! I LOVE Y'ALL, HAVE A GOOD DAY/NIGHT/AFTERNOON/MORNING/WHENEVER YOU SEE THIS! 
          
          Lots of platonic love,
          Rayn/@The_Akward_Trashbin

De_Ad_Ga_mer

@The_Akward_Trashbin Congrats im so happy for you :D
Reply

The_Akward_Trashbin

They're fighting again...

The_Akward_Trashbin

@GiannaTheAuthor813 Thanks, and I hope so to. ^v^
Reply

GiannaTheAuthor813

@The_Akward_Trashbin well, I hope you will have a better life soon. I may not know it personally, but it do know that when parents fight, it’s not good for the children, so, I hope things will be better soon. ^v^
Reply

The_Akward_Trashbin

Me at 7:47 PM when I just woke up: Oml I got like 9 hours in hell yeah!

Inactive12325

while also staying up until 3 AM
Reply

Inactive12325

this message may be offensive
@The_Akward_Trashbin and then there's me, waking up at 10 AM and sometimes deciding "fuck it, I'm going back to sleep"
Reply