Chara☆Jame

This account is so dead ToT

Damn, it feels so weird being on wattpad when you're 17. Like, I was on here when I was ten, seven years... woosh. Now, I see so many people that I used to be, so many 10-13 year olds that sneak on without their parents knowing to read gay fan fiction and write poorly written fan fiction, then somehow become an extraordinary writer and it's like-- damn, I didn't think I'd live this long.
          
          Thank you Wattpad, for being... so chaotic, it's like tween tumblr. I have made, and lost, so many people here. Never kept in touch, forgot names and never could remember faces.
          
          I am sobbed my pain, declared my love, it's been fun. Now, I'm just... here and there, it's been crazy, I think we all can appreciate Wattpad for these facts though.

We need more twinless twin representation in this world and the acknowledgment of the challenges we face in life, and I'm not talking Encanto because Pepa did NOT accurately display the symptoms of twinless twin syndrome unlike Julieta, who you could hear speak with sadness and a touch of grief toward Bruno while Pepá, even if masking her grief, did not act like a twinless twin at all and I love Encanto but C'MON we face enough pain and the simple comfort of characters we can relate to would be great, but I'm just offended.
          
          Also f*ck the "lost twins reunite" trope, do it right or don't do it at all!

Welp. I'm making a shifting book now because I WANNA GO AND MY SPIRIT GUIDES SAID YES! SO I will.

Inactivity is bliss though-- but yeah I'm still alive.

IMPORTANT!!
          
          Hi peoples, so basically this counts for a health update, but in short the genetics facility I went to wants to run a full dna test thing to test all my genes and see if my health problems are genetic, anf basically this test could answer all the questions for my health, but insurance has denied to pay this test twice now, so my Mother opened a gofundme to pay this test, we currently have over $1,900 donated for this $2,500 test.
          
          If people could spread the word, it'd be so, so very appreciatived... so sorry if this is rushed. I am doing school-- but here's the link and... sorry, I am so tired, but anyone who could help spread the word, it'd be so appreciated:
          
          https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-my-daughter-get-her-genetics-testing
          
          I am trying to keep this low, because my Mother is an insane homophobic piece of trash and if she knows I have social media she will kill me and that is not a joke she will harm me severely.
          
          Anything helps right now, so... thank you for reading. Again, really tired, so if this makes no sense... sorry.

Health update:
          
          Threw up last Friday for no reason, fun times, having trouble breathing but I just realized I haven't taken my heart or restless leg medication for the night--
          
          Whoops.
          
          And my doctors pulled some strings and got me a sooner genetics appointment, I go the 25th to be tested for Hypermobility Ehler-Danlos Syndrome, and the 15th to see if my heart failures been reversed.
          
          So, fun month ahead...

VENT// TW
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          The world hates me, everything just hates me, from the beginning of my life I have been done wrong again and again and again, anytime I have even a sliver of hope, see a molecule of light in the darkness that surrounds me, it's taken.
          
          People except me to be so sad or angry that my hearts failing but I'm only mad it hasn't killed me yet, and I know it's gonna kill me, it's when you KNOW it's gonna happen, but they'll all make me live suffering.
          
          Why can nobody understand I haven't had one good day in my life? I would rather die living then live dying, I would rather let my body decompose and be rid of it, I'm not suicidal, I'm just tired. And everyone lies, because it's never, ever getting better. I will never be cured of this chronic pain, or the constant alternating eye prescriptions, or the aches, or the pills, or the heart condition, it's never ending. I am gonna die suffering, in pain, with no life or meaning.
          
          Dogs get treated better then me, I am bellow a dog, I'm going to die from heart failure, and if I don't I'll die from something else...
          
          I've been miserable my whole life, and if I try to talk to my lover about this, the one person I trust, the one person I know I can go to at any time, they'll start freaking out and begging me not to die but damn it they can't understand the world isn't perfect the world isn't fair and the world has hurt me so much already, and it won't get better, nothing is ever gonna be alright.
          
          I hate living.
          I hate breathing, when I CAN do it without struggle!
          I hate trying to walk, even though I am basically unable to at this point.
          I just wanna be gone, I don't wanna do this anymore, why are people still making me do this? I just wanna see my twin brother, I just wanna be held by him, just once... I want my Jame.

Yo juts checking if you’re alright? Last night I couldn’t sleep and my mind started wander about then I remembered your condition so…

@dontmindzeclown 
          
          Yooooooooo