anyone else just randomly get memories of super bad things that happened to you and just think about the things you could have done to change it, and than realize that if you did do things differently than the person who cared about you the most would still be here and you would have one less traumatizing thing to constantly think about??
i do, a lot, it happened like 10 times yesterday, i kept remembering the fact that he just wanted me to be there while he took his last breath, and his dead looking eyes, but the thing that bothered me most about it was that they were peaceful, he welcomed death, and i know that if he welcomed death than i probably couldnt have saved him but the thought still crosses my mind and it made me have like 10 panic attacks in one day last week, the only thing that calmed me was my music and Steve, someone who i will most likely be ranting about a lot.