Natasha Jung

Serene.
          
          So are you happy now?
          
          I ask myself
          
          No, but it quite peaceful

I hate myself.
          I hate my house.
          I hate the fate that I'm still alive.
          I hate that i have 460million dollars debt that i make me need to stay alive

It is Wednesday,
          Rain pouring outside my window, rain that you missed.
          The rain that hold you stayed here, the rain that u wanted to see before u left.
          But it doesn't come, until u left after the decision i stated.
          
          I want to text you
               "Hey, it's raining here"
          But I don't have the audacity to do so.
          Instead i hoping this this rain can take the memories away.
          While i looking to mark that you left in my room.
          
          
          I'm not okay.

Do I miss to socialize? Yes.
          But I'm too afraid someone will leave me again.
          So before that happens, or maybe until this wound dries up and i think I'm heartless enough to get out of this cave, I'll stay here.
          
          Till someone find me, or my body

There are some song that make me remember of them. Of him.
          
          A song that he heard when he showered, the last time he showered in my apartment, the last time he "come home" from his sport routine, one of two reasons that made him stayed with me every weekend.
          
          Another song is the song that I was about to cover with another friend in our circle, and he was there when I say yes to the song.
          And that time, for the first and last time I practiced the song, the hardest part before I sent them go, still thinking that they will be back, and anything will be fine like nothing ever happened between him and I.
          
          Those two song, i bear to hear it on repeat till all the feelings are really gone.
          
          Untill i forget that i've fallen to a deep hole called love

I want to share it, but I can't write, I can't even speak.
          I need someone to make my voice out, and spread the story, and i hope somehow it could save someone.
          Or at least, make them know that they're not alone.
          Or is it just for me, I wanna know that I'm not alone.

Another circle has come,
          But i still shocked, just like this is the first time.
          When will I ready? Next one? Two times ahead? Will I be ready and get used to it?

I downloaded many clips, maybe a little to much. But I didn't watched any of these.
          I didn't read much, nor play much like before.
          All those task and insane boss make me only think:
          
          All I want for time off~~is sleep
          

I had a tough day ☹️

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