I have read your story and would like to share my honest opinion.
Issues:
Pacing – The story feels rushed. Key moments, like Sara and Elara’s escape planning, need more detail to build tension. Readers need to see their thought process rather than jumping ahead.
Character Depth – The characters feel similar and lack personality due to limited dialogue and actions. Small mannerisms—like Sara clenching her fists when nervous—can make them more realistic.
Scene Transitions & Atmosphere – Shifts in time and setting are unclear. Adding sensory details, like Sara’s posture when walking or servants bowing in passing, would make the world more immersive.
Realism – Some reactions feel unnatural. For instance, Elara’s response to the letter is too casual. Also, Stefan’s motives for running off with her aren’t clear—does he care for her? Show, rather than assume, emotions and motivations.
Strengths & Final Thoughts:
Your story has strong potential, but the writing needs refinement to enhance engagement. Focus on pacing, realism, and character uniqueness to make the narrative more compelling. Keep going—you have a solid foundation!
