Borf420

Is it weird to say, that I hate the feeling of my body? That I don't feel right in my body? That I like the way it looks but I just hate having it? Is that normal? 
          
          To hate the feeling of being inside your own body but still kinda liking how it looks?
          To not feel comfortable in it at all but still liking how it looks?
          
          I think I hate being a female.
          
          I've thought about it before, and I know I hate being a female.
          
          But at the same time I don't care what you call me.
          
          It's so weird and confusing and I just want answers.

I fucking hatw myself, I hate my body.
          
          I hate the feeling of being full or the feeling of emptiness.
          
          It's so rare now, I thought I was moving past it.
          I am moving past it,
          But sometimes I still wonder. I still think about it.
          
          I think about how much pain I would have if I were to ever decide to finally use razors on ky skin.
          I know what it feels like, but not because I did it on purpose.
          
          And when I think about it I shiver, and I sometimes long for the blade.
          
          Somedays I still long for death,
          Not because I'm unhappy with my life,
          But because my life is so meaningless. 
          
          I am a problem, for everyone I've ever met.
          I hammer down on them, I stress them out, and I don't mean to! I'm just a kid, I can't help it!
          
          I feel like I bother so many people, like my existence isn't worth anything.
          I hate how they have to spend so much money just feeding me and clothing me,
          Keeping me healthy,
          
          I hate eating, I used to not eat at all! But now I eat to much and I got fat, and now I am forcing myself not to eat.
          My body is used to not eating much anyway.
          
          I don't make myself puke often, I did once or twice because the feeling of having food in my stomache just made me feel so sick.
          
          I don't know what is wrong with me.
          
          And I really wish I could talk about it but that would make it seem like I want attention,
          The only reason I say anything about this stuff here is because no one knows me. 
          
          I just,
          I don't know.

Am I to depending? Do I rely on others to much I mean.
          
          Am I just annoying,
          A burden?
          
          Is that why no one cares to listen to my problems?
          
          Fine, I quit.
          
          You happy?
          
          I'm finished, through!
          
          You passed my breaking point a long time ago,
          It is only now that I have the courage to say that I'm done with everything.

I sometimes feel like no one cares for me,
          That if I died, it wouldn't matter to anyone.
          
          I don't know why,
          I know my mom would be upset,
          I know my sister would be upset...
          
          But as selfish as it sounds,
          That isn't enough.
          
          I feel so insignificant,
          So unheard and uncared for.
          
          It fucking sucks.
          
          I vent, I truly do.
          I try so hard to get rid of these thoughts,
          I try to get help,
          
          But nobody cares enough to help.
          
          I get it, people have their own lives,
          Their own problems,
          They can't always be there for me.
          
          But I fear this emptiness is going to be my death.
          
          It already has been.
          
          I can't handle it anymore,
          I can't. 
          
          It feels like every time I ask for help it just comes out as a call for attention, 
          Yeah, I want attention. But not because I want popularity,
          But because I want somwone to fucking notice I'm not alright.
          
          Fuck life.
          Fuck feelings.
          Fuck my parents for having me,
          Fuck the doctors for keeping me alive.
          Fuck everything.

I can't,  I can't do this anymore.
          I'm sorry,  I'm so sorry.
          
          I just feel so empty,
          So incomplete.
          
          It feels as though I've done everything, yet I've done nothing.
          The only thing that had kept me going was fanfic and the though of finding love one day.
          
          I've accepted the fact that if I die no one will have the chance to love me though,
          I've accepted the fact I'll never have love again if I die.
          
          I've read most of the books that I know I like here too.
          That's what scares me.
          
          I just feel so fucking numb.

Guys, I'm tired.
          
          I'm tired both physically,
          Amd mentally.
          
          I just want it to stop.
          
          I really just want it to stop.

Hii!
          
          Anyone want a face reveal? I've been on wattpad for two years now and I've never actually shown my face? And for some reason it's bothering me? I don't know, I guess it would just make me feel closer to all of you guys! Of course, I won't do it if you guys want me to, but I'm  just curios as to how mang people  actually want to see whose behind the screen...
          
          If you do want to see my face, I warn you, I'm so ugly you'll laugh. No joke, everytime i go onto my camera I laugh at how ugly I am XD. But I'm proud of being who I am so don't  worry!  Anyway, bye!

Merry christmas and or Hannuka!
          
          (Sorry I'm  late to the party.)

Hello everyone! I know it's been a long time, and I am so sorry for that! I have lost motivation to keep writing and I just felt like my stories were horrible... so I stopped. I deleted everything and wanted to get a fresh start! However, I just couldn't. Anxiety plagued my mind and paranoia crept in... what if you guys didn't like it? What if you hated it and decided to take that hate out in the comments section? I know, it's stupid. But in all seriousness, I am very self conscious of my work. I hate it when someone doesn't understand it or doesn't realize what it is, and it makes me think... is that my fault? So I try to correct my flaws even if there aren't any to correct. It's tiring, it's annoying, depressing and it's simply... repetitive. I'm growing out of it, or trying to at least, so I hope I can write again for all of you!  I mean, I don't want to disappoint all you guys! I have grown out of the undertale fandom so I'm afraid if you have followed me for that reason now is the time to unfollow, I will not be writing any stories related to undertale anymore.
          However, if you have read my other stories, thank you! I hope you enjoyed them while they were there, and I'm sorry I deleted them. I have no backups so they will not be put back up on the internet. I will however try to redo them and publish that! Only the ones I feel proud of however.
          
          Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I bid you goodbye for now my lovely followers.
          
          Adios!
          
          (Also- I'll try to post a few more messages from time to time,"! The reason being because other authors seem to be doing it, and it's actually gaining positive feedback in the wattpad community! Yaaaay! This is unedited btw in case I messed up something XD)

Umm why did you discontinue sans x werewolf reader