𝙖𝙢𝙚𝙠𝙖

i need some helppp... so, i'm writing a story, its due on the 30th and it needs some major editing. also, the word limit is 500 and its 564. also, i wanna make it more meaningful. sooo... does anyone think they could give it a quick read over and comment any edits they would make/ things they would add/ things they would take away? please please please it would help me so much!! here it is:

Before
          “One night, a dark king came to me and offered his hand, his heart, and his kingdom.”
          I giggled, squirming closer to Rawya under a slightly tattered blanket. Huddled in front of the hearth, flames flickering wildly as if dancing with abandon, firelight illuminating our features. I couldn’t imagine a better place to be. 
          “No, this one is scary!” I said. Rawya raised one eyebrow at me.
          “Don’t tell me you’re scared of a story, little mouse. What happened to the fearless warrior from last night, wrestling monsters under the bed? Where did she go?”
          All of a sudden, Rawya pounced on me, tickling mercilessly. I shrieked with gleeful laughter while desperately kicking in a futile attempt to get away. As soon as she stops, I stand up and puff out my chest.
          “I’m not afraid of anything.” I declare. 
          My moment of grandeur was somewhat ruined when the rumble of thunder outside caused me to jump with alarm and nestle under the blanket. Dad popped his head around the doorway, checking that we were alright.
          “Mosley, are you okay in here?” 
          I nod, my fear already forgotten under the coziness of the blanket. Eyes twinkling with warmth, my dad surveyed the hapy scene.
          “And what are you two doing in here?”
          “Rawya’s telling me a story!” I told him delightedly, my voice muffled from beneath the blanket.  
          “My little storyteller,” Dad said with a fond smile. “Well, I’d better leave you to it!”
          Once again, it was just Rawya and I in the cozy, firelit room. I snuggled up to her, feeling tired all at once.
          “So, little mouse, what story should I tell you?” I suspected Rawya already knew what I would say, but she asked anyway.
          “Tell me the story about how the sun loved the moon so much, he died every night to let her breathe,” I murmured. This one was my favorite.
          As I drifted into unconsciousness, heat from the fire still warming me, I heard her begin, a familiar lilt in her voice.
          “There once was a moon, as beautiful as can be, only the stars could fathom, but the sun could not see…”

After
          The embers glow red in the fireplace, telling of anger and pain as I sit huddling under a slightly tattered blanket. A year ago, I would have been here with my sister.
          Now I am alone.
          Where did she go? I ask myself.
          No. I know where she is. Because she was young and strong and careless and brave and free. And now she’s dead.
          Stop thinking, I tell myself. But my mind is racing and I can’t control it.
          Did it hurt?
          Did she realise what was going to happen?
          What if she was scared?
          I don’t know.
          I don’t know.
          I don’t know.
          The embers are dying now, but I feel just as cold as when they were burning. My sister filled a place in my heart, sealing all the cracks with her stories and her love. Now she’s gone and I am broken. So are my parents, with empty eyes and lifeless expressions.
          I speak into the fire, my voice barely a whisper but telling of a raging, all-consuming pain, and most of all, the question why?
          “Tell me the story about how the sun loved the moon so much, he died every night to let her breathe…”

Thanks for the follow!!!

Thanks for follow:)

i intended to study today... i really did... but somehow i have not yet done a single bit of work. how does this happen lol

Hey love! Read it all! I mean it! Read it all! If you were killed, I wouldn’t be at your funeral. I’d be in jail for killing the person who killed you. We are true friends. We ride together, we die together. Send this to everybody you care about, including me, if you care. I want you to know you are an amazing friend, till death and forever. If I didn’t get this back, I understand. But I have a game for you. Once you read this later, you must send this to 15 people, including me. If you get at least three back, you are loved. <3 Nobody knows how important something is until they lose it. Tonight (right about 12:00 am), the person you love will realize they love you. If you break the chain, you will have bad luck. Send this to 15 people or bad luck starts for a whole year. This is not fake. Apparently, if you copy and paste this, you will have the best day of your life tomorrow. Good luck <3 
          P.S awesome aesthetic!!!

I have very exciting news...
          This requires some backstory so I will explain very dramatically XD
          *in a very posh, dramatic voice*
          Some time ago now, it was a bright sunny day when young Ameka picked up her phone to call a friend. With a beaming smile across her face as she dialed the number, she could not possibly imagine the tragedy that was about to take place... oh, how joyous she was! Little did she know this would soon all end. 
          Putting the phone to her ear, she frowned in confusion as the call did not go through. ‘Perhaps- the WiFi is bad?’ She wondered. But yet again, when she re-called, it did
          Not
          Work.
          Thunder echoed across the sky as Ameka collapsed onto the ground, sobbing in misery. Why was this happening? Did the fates have it in for her? All she wanted to do was call a friend! 
          Hoping against hope, Ameka took her phone to the apple store to see what the problem was, but alas, what she found out only caused her to despair even more. Due to a broken audio chip, not only could she not call people, neither could she FaceTime or use headphones! How would she survive???
          Oh, the past few months have been a dark time, riddled with sorrow and sadness. But, in a turn of times, Ameka ordered a new phone! Holding it carefully in her hand, feeling as if her luck may go bad any moment, she dialed a number. 
          “Hello?” She said timidly. Would it actually work?
          “Hi!”
          A voice came out of the phone, and Ameka jumped with joy. At last, her prayers had been answered!!
          ~
          ~
          Soo, I may have slightly over exaggerated the situation, (no, a supernatural force was not controlling the weather to reflect my situation, and neither did I collapse in sobs or jump for joy at any time in the course of events) but, even though it was maybe possibly not my best writing XD, you get the idea. I got a new, actually fully functioning phone! And yes, I could have just said that I got a new phone without the entire story, but what’s the fun in that? XD
          So there u go lol

Thank you for following me!

I need helpppppp
          I am currently deliberating whether to change up my profile pic/ background. On one hand, I still like the images I have, but I’ve had it as this for over a year, so it sorta feels like I should mix it up, and I do have some ideas...
          What does everyone else think??? Bc ik there is no way I will be able to decide without other people’s opinions XD