Hii , I read your stry as , you asked me yesterday to read it and share my thoughts .
This stry was nice , but there were quite the amount of grammer mistakes , but it's fine , you can improve it day by day . Instead of directly jumping into the main content, you could start with introduction of the characters , and make the chapters a bit detailed. But all this is your choice , you could use apps to help with grammer . This is just my opinion, I just wanted to help you improve and get better in this .
