Dear Readers,
I am going to share my personal story. My purpose twofold. First, is to tell every one of the horrors before the LBGT+ movement. And to say, “ You are not alone. “
Caveat!! If you’re squeamish read no further.
Don’t get me wrong, after my transition many of my obsessive and intrusive thoughts disappeared. Foremost among them, my plague of suicidal ideation.
Surprisingly though, I still judged myself worthless and undeserving of affection or kindness. Therefore, I gladly heaped punishment upon myself without cease.
Where was this coming from? So, I sought therapy. I learned, I’m like an onion—I have layers.
Let me begin by saying my therapist and I agreed that I am on the autistic spectrum as what used to be diagnosed as High Functioning Aspergers. Teaches found it impossible to deter me from class interruptions and my fixation on science. In defiance of their dire threats, I would continue to rhapsodize on my current obsession in excruciating detail.
Naturally, I was punished severely for this wanton rebellion through 13 years of public education. The staff welcomed student participation and absolved them of wrongdoing. While others learned the 3 R’s, I learned I was a bad person who deserved only punishment.
And where were my parents through all of this? Mom and dad were absent, oblivious, and uncaring. Our dysfunctional family produced six dysfunctional adults. This was a surprise to me as I idolized them and sought their approval. But they taught me nothing about how to survive in this life.
So, count your blessings.
Amber Lynn Walker
