Eighth

7

Am i really that bad? Am i really that useless ? 
          Am i really what they say? 
          I thought i was doing good lately.. i thought at least today they’ll say “ oh you actually did good “, i thought he’d say hi back today, i thought and i thought and a lot of wrong i thoughts for today…

But yk I’m actually doing good, i just have to avoid this kind of stuff

I was in the car when he called , after he hanged up on me without letting me thank him for his “sweet word” my eyes were flowing with water .. i looked up to the black roof of the car, i didn’t let the drops of water fall.. 

I was in a medical course, one of the tutors was talking, he said “ when there’s someone who’s mentally ill and trying to kill themselves and have a dangerous thing with them never get close to them because your safety is the most important, this kind of people just hate themselves and every other single person in the world.. they’ll kill you then kill themselves, so never get close to save them “
          And then everything just stopped for me, i couldn’t hear what he said after that, i was in my head again.. 
          like how the hell he knew how i felt that accurately? I hated him and everyone in the room all over again..

About to hit rock bottom

I hate on myself and am tired of it for being a people pleaser, more specifically “family pleaser “.. and yet my siblings come and say “you only live for yourself “!
          In my head i wanna kill myself for trying to please everyone, and if everyone thinks i just live for myself.. 
          then what and who the fuck am i even?

أردد لا بأس، و البؤس يملئُني.

You are, you deserve it

Ur actually being dumb