I've been wanting to write something but I just mentally couldn't. Hence the recent events around Zayn, I feel like I still haven't gotten these feelings out of my chest. That said, and for those of you who know me well, you'd know Zayn's basically everything for me. When I love something or someone so deeply it goes beyond my own understanding, I tend to keep it quiet and protect it like a mother protects their offspring. That is exactly what I did, and do, with Zayn. He's the reason I learnt to defend my own beliefs until the end no matter what people told me or might have think of me. He taught me it's okay if people don't get me or agree with me. It's okay to be different, it's okay to be so afraid it can almost physically stop you from moving forward - remember him at bootcamp when he was about to quit because he couldn't dance? He showed me it's okay to have insecurities but he also showed me how to overcome them. As his confidence grew fonder, so did mine because watching him grow up to be the best young men he could ever become showed me no matter what I do, no matter how afraid I might be, I will be just fine.
I don't think people understand how much Zayn has helped me through this past - almost - five years. Maybe I didn't even realise it up until lately. But he has carried me through really tough times and has always offered me a smile like he meant ''Hey sweetie, it's alright to cry. You'll be fine tomorrow. I'm here for you!'' And even though that smile came through pictures for a million times, I was lucky enough to see it right in front of me once. His smile saved my life and got me where I am today. If someone can be so miserable inside they have to quit their own dream but still keep on smiling so can I. If someone is so strong they never broke in front of anyone so am I. If I've got such forceful mindset is highly because of Zayn Malik and I will forever owe it to him.