@Chamalpb I just read the three chapters of that story, and if you want honest criticism, it seems like you're rushing to get things out, the pacing is faster than a bullet train.
Slow down the pacing and watch your grammar, if you're translating from another language, make sure you capture the idea of the original text, translating with that method is called localization.
In your description, actually give a bit of setting, writing "Just a story about the rain, sadness and two girls", doesn't really tell us about the story, there has to be more to this than that , put tags like "Mistery, Recomforting, etc."
And as an extra piece of advice, when you're writing, remember that the reader can't read your mind, so make visual pieces first and then add dialogue, that's how the Japanese make good animes.
