chanelskinny

this message may be offensive 
I realized this last night, I am addicted to the feeling of being depressed. 
          	
          	It becomes a place of comfort when I'm feeling lonely or overwhelmed by the world; it's almost like this 'friend' that's always there for me when life becomes too much. It's so ingrained into my personality that when I feel content I look for reasons to feel depressed again because I feel like I'm losing my sense of self.. I am heavily identified with it.
          	
          	I understand now that on some level.. I want to be depressed because otherwise I feel as though the very foundation of who I am is been threatened, which is total bullshit but I can't get past it.. I guess you could say, it's all I have?
          	
          	So this is a real dilemma; a classic example if been addicted to suffering. I suppose it's helpful that I now recognize I'm doing this to myself on purpose, I'm choosing this rather then placing the responsibility solely on external circumstances.
          	
          	But how do you give up what you essentially believe to be you, I know it's all imagined.. but I can't seem to let go of feeling depressed; it's like the last piece of me hanging on by a thread..

chanelskinny

this message may be offensive 
I realized this last night, I am addicted to the feeling of being depressed. 
          
          It becomes a place of comfort when I'm feeling lonely or overwhelmed by the world; it's almost like this 'friend' that's always there for me when life becomes too much. It's so ingrained into my personality that when I feel content I look for reasons to feel depressed again because I feel like I'm losing my sense of self.. I am heavily identified with it.
          
          I understand now that on some level.. I want to be depressed because otherwise I feel as though the very foundation of who I am is been threatened, which is total bullshit but I can't get past it.. I guess you could say, it's all I have?
          
          So this is a real dilemma; a classic example if been addicted to suffering. I suppose it's helpful that I now recognize I'm doing this to myself on purpose, I'm choosing this rather then placing the responsibility solely on external circumstances.
          
          But how do you give up what you essentially believe to be you, I know it's all imagined.. but I can't seem to let go of feeling depressed; it's like the last piece of me hanging on by a thread..

chanelskinny

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KilljoyRainbow

Y'all just posted that to the world???! (You have my condolences, by the way. A salute to my sisters in arms.)
          And BTW sorry I couldn't text back. Got swept into an adventure in the town of Dover that involved an old enemy, a hacksaw, and six rolly-polly puppies.