𝙰ⓑₐ𝘥✶ ┈ᗪᵒℕ

/   for the past year or two ive been struggling with my mental health + overall personal life which led me to basically ditch everything to do with wattpad ... but ive been thinking about coming back? i'm not sure if it'd be a consistent thing for me but it's nearly been 8 years so no time like the present right 

@chooseIife whats good homeslice

I—I don’t know,  Abaddon.  I do not fit in with Piltover;  I have been looked down on my entire life.  The Undercity does not wish to claim me,  despite being born here.  I am stuck in a limbo of wanting to figure out who I am but neither side will let me in.  (   …   )  No matter how soft,  kind,  and gentle—Nobody,  [especially you],  will ever see me as how I want people to see me.

REGARDING YOU, @canniluvs.
            
                
                          then who are you? your tenderness is half of your being. it is why you heal. it is why i have never seen you kill. prove to me what light you wish to show yourself in. do it. change my perception. 

(   In the corner of their vision,  soft spots begin to form—disappearing the moment they finally catch their breath.  Each word that he says is like a punch to the gut,  twisting around their throat like barbed wire.  )   I [tried] so hard to come back!  Months after my disappearance,  I tried so hard.  Enforcers—medical emergencies—being practically locked away in my room didn’t help my case,  now did it?!  So,  if I could not return to my [home],  I very well might as well as suck it up!  (  With shaky hands,  they lower themselves to sit on a crate.  )
            
            I put up with all their [bullshit] for the Undercity—  I went through all of it to please those parasites in Piltover;  regain their trust.  So,  [yes],  I mingled with their Houses!  Played into their nonsense!  It was [always] about the bigger picture and me coming home!  (  OR WHAT I THOUGHT WAS HOME TO ME.  )

DID I EVEN KNOW YOU, @canniluvs?
            
            
                            so why let yourself become so esteemed in that scum place, huh?! why become piltover's world famous doctor! why hide me and the truth about your heritage-- about your /truth!/ i wanted to get you! i wanted to understand you but it was never easy, never clear cut enough for you! you. kept. going. back! you never stayed for long [IT FELT LIKE YOU NEVER HELD ME LONG ENOUGH goes unsaid.] you never committed to who you wanted to be! 
            
            [ TEARS WOULD BE RUNNING DOWN HIS FACE BY NOW, IF HE WERE NOT FILLED WITH PASSION AND RAGE. THE ONLY PERSON HE HAS EVER LOVED WITH SUCH VIGOUR, MIGHT AND WARMER WAS SLIPPING AWAY FROM HIM. THEY WERE LEAVING. HE WOULD RATHER KILL HIMSELF. ]

You cannot get over the fact I [had] a life I never wanted!  Nei—you want to believe everything was so—so wonderful up there.  (   …   )  I never [wanted] that life!  To be stuck—trapped in a never ending nightmare of [longing] to be home,  back with my family!  (   A violent cough tears through their body,  doubling over and gasping for air.  They have pushed themself too far—yelling at Abaddon.  Though,  they fear what they said will never be enough to convince him that they were never a [Piltie],  someone has to believe them.  )

⟡ 」    @chooseIife      ╱        ᐥ   T⃨OUCHY SUBJECT?    IT’S ONLY A MERE OBSERVATION.   IF ANYTHING I’M QUITE ASSUMED BY THE WHOLE ORDEAL.   YOU COULD CALL ME AN INSTIGATOR.  NOW,   PLEASE TELL ME YOU LEFT THIS BLACK ROSE BUSINESS ALONE.    HOW MUCH POWER DO YOU REALLY NEED?   HM?      〟        Selene’s skilled hands would clean up the cavern of a wound left by a stray bullet.   The wound in his thigh would be throughly sanitized and rinsed.     Stitches would be needed    (   …   )    Hues would glance at the arms dealer,  checking for any signs of pain.

ADDRESSING YOU, @laKAUZ.
            
            
                     my business with the doctor is none of your concern. they have full autonomy of their own actions... perhaps they even wish to be distracted... entertained, even, by a pragmatic zaunite. 

You’re distracting them.

/  what u want

(  DESPITE THE GNAWING FEELING AT WEARY BONES;  they oblige.  The shotgun being discarded to the ground was a way of showing trust,  or giving up.  While not keen to throw their own weapons to the filthy ground,  they move their hand away from their hip;  crossing their arms to [humour him].   )
            
            I am nothing of importance.  One sole person cannot single-handedly change the world;  or how others view it.  
            
            (  A WHEEZE,  a brief cough comes from their mouth,  one that has them clutching at their chest.   )   —I cannot change your views on me for as long as you associate me with Piltover [despite] my past.  (   THEY SOUND OUT OF BREATH.   ).   You cannot accept what I am.  So,  what does it [matter] how I define myself.  
            
            It will not change how [you] see me.

WHO ARE YOU, @canniluvs?
            
            
                         then i ask one thing. just this one thing before you leave. humour me for a little longer. 
            
            [ A CLATTER OF THE SHOTGUN. it sits on the dirt, smeared. a surrender. there is no keeping the Doctor in place, and abaddon has no intention of keeping them in his arms forever ( HE DENIES HIS NEED FOR THE WARMTH, THE CONNECTION. I AM HURTING. HE WISHES TO SAY. ) though... his curiosity is morbid. ]
            
                              how do you define yourself? what is it that you think you are. maybe i am a man of old ideals, but i am also protective of a city that has been exploited by your coworkers. 

(   A SCOFF,  perhaps even an eye roll if they feel generous enough—dirt under your nails—it’s enough to make the Doctor pull out their own weapon and (shoot themself or the shell of a man they once knew).  Fingers twitch in leather gloves,  itching to pick up their weapon and [end everything once and for all].   )   The pride of life calls for you but your greed will be your end.  I have [nothing] more to say to you.  You and I are finished.
            
            (  with each word that the Doctor speaks,  it’s barely hidden behind gritted teeth,  spit with the same amount of venom that runs through their very being— from the loving embrace the two shared weeks— or months ago.  Time has been moving so fast,  they cannot keep up.  )
            
            There is no unique experience.   Just a coward who hides behind outdated ideals;   I have no worth in your life for as long as you see me as a Piltie. 

Chews on u