dragonlover499

Hey, everyone, ch.7 is out.  However, I may add additional views because it's such a short chapter.  So, you can look forward to that.  And...last but definitely not least, happy fourth of july.

dragonlover499

Hello everybody!!!  Sorry for not updating for a while, I've been super busy with choir and school and other things, like Easter.  So....I know you all have been waiting for chapter 5 and it's finally here.  So please read and don't forget to vote and comment.  Thanks!!!

LegendaryLethamyr

Nawthing is that stupid with you describing yourself, but putting an adjective before idiot and basically saying the same thing sounds stupid.
          
          WRITING TIP: You don't need an adjective before everything. Same with adverbs.
          
          Barbie gracefully flung her gorgeous golden hair out, softly whispering out deceitful words to her short sister. She flauntingly said in her whispers "You just have to tell your brilliant teacher she's fat. All intelligent, brave teachers want to obviously hear that". 
          
          I made that up in the spur of the moment and you see it sounds like it's trying to hard. Some things are obvious and don't need to be said. And definitely do not say "he said humourously" after a joke a character makes. I've seen funny lines ruined by stating the obvious. But  do describe things, I need somethings to form images with.
          
          IN A NUTSHELL: Don't use an adverb after said. Don't describe the obvious "the red apple", "the yellow bumblebee". And do not describe the unneeded "she took a bite of the luscious apple".
          
          Hope you enjoyed the mini learning experience.
          Keep writing as well~

dragonlover499

@LegendaryLethamyr Thanks for the advice.  I'll try to apply that in my stories more.
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