My dear reader, within these pages lie the extraordinary events of the life of Me, as written and told by Me, to Me. Yes, yes I know, she talks an awful lot, but this will be the epic tale culminating in some far off adventure, somewhere in the future. Not only are these stories true, factual, and incredibly entertaining, but her charisma practically bleeds through the paper, as well as her extensive vocabulary.
To those who doubt the authenticity of this document, I quote my favorite TV Show of all time: The Tick.
“Arthur: ‘Tick, now you’re just making this stuff up!’
 Tick: ‘No, chum, I’m making it good.’”
I come to you as an 18-year-old college junior (who is quite possibly procrastinating in studying for her final exams), to which ‘Embellish’ is not in her vocabulary. Well, actually it is, as well as: adorn, elaborate, exaggerate, festoon, magnify, and overstate; but that’s beside the point. She has been pushed to dictate her life story, record the events therein, and imagine Benedict Cumberbatch narrating it in his excellent British accent (or Gerard Butler is an equally acceptable alternative). This is her story.
*Insert dramatic organ music here*
To Be Continued…