ToreMcNeill
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Ok, so in Lou & Kyle for example, Lou has defined this as just a "scene" agreement. Kyle knew from the onset this was never going to evolve into a "romantic relationship". It may seem that Lou was being cruel, however; Kyle should have never had the expectation to expect this was exactly what it was.
Expectations lead to disappointment. That is why he resents Harry so much. Kyle should have kept it business, as he was contracted to do. That is why we have contracts.
Lou's needs were also different with Kyle. Again, this was clearly outlined. I only am involved in a D/s dynamic as part of a relationship. In a safe, sane, & consensual (as all bdsm interactions should be, and we are very serious about that) relationship, the sub is the one who is ultimately in control. When I Dom, I am strict, but also compassionate, caring, and tender with my sub. I treat them with respect, and on both sides, trust and communication are absolutes. You mentioned degradation, I don't like that, giving or receiving, but I would not kink shame someone who enjoys that. There are as many different kinks as there are colors, that is what hard & soft limits are for. Also, I would never be upset with a sub for coloring out, I would immediately stop, comfort, and praise them for doing so. As it should be. Like I said in my other answer, yes it is possible just to play in the bedroom, or in your home, or live the lifestyle 24/7/365. I do practice some aspects in public, but again, unless you were in the lifestyle, you would never know. There are endless fics on here that really represent it in an erroneous, and damaging manner, and shit movies like 50 shades don't help either. I offer to answer questions because I would rather educate people so they don't see those as accurate representations of it.
enaja1811
@ ToreMcNeill yes, that's what I meant .. like I don't know if I could ..knowing me, I would take a punishment personally and would no longer be able to distinguish whether it was the punishment or whether they really didn't love me anymore.. it's so hard to explain for me... But theoretically I got it .. thank you
ToreMcNeill
@ToreMcNeill subs need to be cared for, and reassured that they are important, and loved (in a relationship). I think the worst thing to hear for a sub, is that their Dominant is disappointed in them, because of bad behavior. Even when I'm metting out a punishment, afterward it's time for cuddles and reassuring soft words and touches. Aftercare is so very crucial. I personally enjoy that part very much, in either role. D/s is not for everyone. I, like most in the lifestyle, believe you are inherently born with those traits. Also, there is a huge difference in being a Dominant, and just being a domineering, abusive, selfish, asshat.
enaja1811
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offensive
@ ToreMcNeill that's actually so interesting, like really.. because as you said, I think most people including me only really know it from 50sog...
I think I get it now, at least a bit better .. I think my main concern or main problem would be that I'd tend to think "okay that's it, they don't love me anymore" if it's a romantic relationship or "they don't care about me" if it's only a scene ... But l, and that's important, I got what you said and probably a whole lot of praising wouldn't help .. I think I'd be a shit sub ..
