Precocious, obnoxious, precious.

I'm a 67 year old pharmacist residing in a little girl's body. I like to think that my body language gives it away...It screams, "Let me give you medication while I massage my forehead thinking about my family's lackluster economic condition."

I'm actually a 17 year old girl, surprise, surprise. My raging hormones and sexuality must have gotten the best of me.

I have a cat who enjoys long walks on the beach and surfing the internet to find a lover or a nice juicy brisket. He prefers cougars, but a good milf never did anyone any harm.

I am quite influential and, like a Kinder Surprise, once you open up this fun train, you can't close it, for the fruity candies, symbolic of my gnawing desires and obsessive tendencies, have already spilled out onto the floor and into your heart. 

I have a very specific rhetoric filled with figurative language, symbolism, irony, and sarcasm. 

I am impoverished and very elusive.

If you'd like to know more about me, read "Desks." The main character, Bay, is based on me, to a certain extent. For example, we both pride ourselves on being narcissistic and neither one of us shut up. Oh no, I've said too much already. Beware... things in the book are likely to get hot and spicy, causing you to get emotionally bothered.

Please read my stories. I live my life in desperation and self-doubt.