Phi: *grabs me* I will m u r d e r you.
Me: don’t grab me pls—
Phi: *tightens grip* I’ll let go of your soul once you’r e dead
Me: ...*l i c c* U HAVE H E R P E S NAO
sINCE I FORGOT EVERYTHING FROM MY MARTIAL ARTS TRAINING THING
I HAVE DECIDED THAT MY WAY OF DEFENDING IS LICKING AND BITING, WHICH ALWAYS SEEMS TO WORK ESPECIALLY IF YOU LIE SAYING YOU HAVE A CONTAGIOUS DISEASE—