I'm a boy. Apparently that's rare on this site. I feel special :D

I'll be 20 soon. I feel old. D: 

I'm single, not that it matters xD

I live in California, but I won't say where exactly. I don't wanna get stalked haha.

Unicorns are people too. They're just shy. 

I'm gonna put a bunch of random things in here cuz I have nothing better to do xD

No I didn't trip, the floor looked like it needed a hug.

Why do banks lock their pens to the desk? If I'm trusting you with my money, don't you think you can trust me with a pen? 

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door. 

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile, and only 4 to reach out and bitch slap someone.

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I'll think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out."?

I'll be rich and famous when I invent something that will stab people over the internet. 

The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you. 

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it. 

If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.
If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.
If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.
If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.

Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell's afraid I'll take over.

The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide.

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive. 

Don't think of yourself as an ugly person, think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.