I don’t even know how to write this without completely breaking down, again. My parents have decided to put us all on this “digital detox” for TWO WEEKS. Which means no Wattpad, no online therapy, no YouTube, no texting unless it’s school-related, no literally anything. But the worst part—THE WORST PART—no music.
Do you understand what that means?? Music is the only thing that shuts my brain up. It’s the only thing that drowns out the noise and the thoughts that won’t stop circling and eating me alive. The only thing that helps my anxiety. Without it… I don’t even know how to survive. I could live without scrolling, without videos, even without writing updates here. But taking away my music? That’s like taking away oxygen and then asking me to “calm down.”
I’ve spent the entire day spiraling, shaking, pacing, crying, trying to force myself not to collapse because I am absolutely terrified of what’s about to happen. I’m scared of myself without it. Scared of the silence. Scared of where my thoughts will go if I have to just sit there with nothing but my head for company. Not a good idea, by the way.
So if I disappear and you don’t hear from me for two weeks, (or never again because the thoughts win) just know it wasn’t my choice. I’d give anything to be here updating for you guys instead of being trapped in this nightmare. Pray for me, wish me luck, I don’t even know. I feel like I’m on the edge of completely losing it.
