I'm a very.. weird person. I don't talk to people. I can't. I'm scared of it, I'm scared of them. whenever I have to speak up, just say something, I feel so hot and dizzy, like I will black out in a second. It's weird, and I don't know what to do about it. people say that I'm 12, which means that I'm too young for real problems and it's probably not a big deal. I don't know if I believe them. 
recently, everything feels so.. dull. yeah, everything is there, like it always was but. I'm different. I don't feel anything. I don't enjoy the things I used to enjoy. The things that make me happy are.. boring. empty. I don't know. It's such a tiring feeling. I don't know what to do with it, what to do with myself. I just feel so empty. I have always hidden my true feelings, and I got so used to that, and after some time I didn't know how to express my emotions. express   myself. I reacted to things the wrong way. they didn't like me because of that. I always said something wrong. they thought that it was funny. I was just so.. so tired, so done with all of this that something just.. snapped. I feel weird. inhuman. this is all so weird. I feel like I'm just.. existing. and that's it. I'm just a lifeless body drifting through the sea and going wherever the waves take me. I don't even know what I feel right now. I really don't know. I just want to be normal.