iris

set me free already.
          
          aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
          
          oh i could just distract myself
          i could just pray
          
          but at the end of the day
          i'll always come back to this.

trigger warning i lowkey crash out at the end [read at your own discretion.]
          
          eating a biscuit ruins my whole day btw
          having breakfast ruins my whole day btw
          having a snack over 50 fucking calories makes me lose my mind and panic btw.
          
          
          
          
          fuck you all.
          i love you but this isn't something i'm getting out of.
          
          i've dealt with 'worse' but in the face of something that can be solved by just putting something other than paper or grass or rubber into my mouth, i'm STUCK.
          
          i have two FUCKING SHEETS OF A4 PAPER RESERVED FOR ME EATING THEM. AND I KNOW I'LL GET MORE LATER BECAUSE I'LL 'BE HUNGRY.'
          AND I KNOW THIS IS AN INSANE THING TO CRASH OUT ABOUT BECAUSE, CAN'T I JUST STOP? BUT I CAN'T.
          I PHYSICALLY CANNOT STOP MYSELF FROM EATING A SHIT TON OF GRASS EVERY TIME I GO OUTSIDE.
          
          NO I DON'T CARE ABOUT MY HEALTH I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE FUCKING INSANE ANYMORE.
          DO YOU KNOW HOW EMBARASSING IT IS TO NOT EAT ANYTHING EXCEPT NON-FOOD ITEMS.
          IF YOU DID THEN SOMEONE WOULD CARE.
          
          but haha paper has no calories because it contains cellulose oohhh
          
          FUCK YOU I HATE THIS SO FUCKIGN MUCH SOMEHTING'S WRONG WITH ME.