this message may be offensive
trigger warning i say some fucked up shit like i always do
i hate feeling like a burden but i can count the people who actually treat me like a human irl with one hand.
and then my mum yells at me, threatening to slap me and shit. kill me while you're at it. i'll enjoy it a little more then. you have a degree in fucking psychology and i'm obviously not fucking ok. you stupid bitch i hate you
"but she birthed you-" yeah into a world i fucking hate. i don't want to exist anymore so i compensate by playing the jester and ruining my health but i still hate everything and everyone and i still want to die even though it's been 8 years since my first attempt. but then you think about how young i was and how fucked up that is so i don't like to talk about it.
and i hate myself for eating, fuck i hate it so much just leave me alone, the thought makes me so sick and i can't help but feel i want to vomit. i'm not overweight or anything i'm genuinely in a normal body but i still hate it. i hate everything please stop
and why do i have to fight all the time. i'm never not angry. fuck i got angry at a computer today and i almost got in trouble for that ig.. stupid ass shit. i hit things all the time and i know my knuckles hate me but i hate myself too so it's ok. i don't mind. i'm always disrespected, but it's ok. because i don't want anyone to hate me any more. so maybe if i stay quiet, they won't be mean to me anymore. or maybe they will realise i exist too. but i have a hard time with sympathy so i'm a hypocrite. i hope you guys realise what a bad person i am. i could hurt someone and not care. i know i probably should, but i don't care. i don't know why.
did my brother assault me or did i forget
i can't remember my brain blocked it out
but why can i remember the first time someone did that to me then?
but he was older than me but he's my brother i can't say that but i still love him but what if i'm just making it up what if i'm wrong what if i'm faking it like everyone says w
