jimin_jimochi

It's been awhile since i logged in here... But nowadays i don't have time at all.... I always feel so tired & drained.... I feel sick.... I feel guilty about everything, eating, showering or even sleeping... Everyone says it's hormones but when i see others my age... Ik it's not...
          	
          	Some ppl r living their best life out there, partying & having fun... Others r studying to make a good career... But idk... I feel like a loser..... When i walk into class, i see everyone talking & chirping.... Ik i am a hardcore introvert, ik i am not a genius, ik i am terribly awkward & shy... BUT i have also tried to reach out... Tried to make friends... All my old friends have made new friends... But i haven't... I can't... No matter what i do, i feel so Fcking lonely... Ik i should be used to this loneliness but i can't help but feel so depressed... I want to talk to someone irl, wanna reach out & hug them, want them to listen to me, but all i do is cry until sleep comes & no matter how much i scream, everything gets muffled by the pillows... I feel so alone... I hate feeling like this.... This same haunting feeling since i was 6 y/o, it's terrible... I feel so Fcking lonely... I feel so Fcking old, older than who i am & it makes me even lonelier.... I can't even befriend my new classmates cuz ik they they r all snakes... I am so conflicted, lonely & even failing my classes... Idk... I feel so terrible, i end up overeating junk food, then feeling to vomit it out or I won't lose weight & it's such a rigorous cycle... I feel so guilty eating... My mind is all over the place... I can't do this.... I feel so lonely in my class.... Nobody talks to me... Ik they don't really like me much but... It hurts... It feels like somebody is tearing me apart.... And the pain is too much sometimes... I wish I could tear myself apart painlessly