jryu128

God, it's been forever since I posted on here. Sorry about that! I just finished a new story called The Ideas Desk, and I would really appreciate if some of you read it and give me some constructive criticism. Also, I post more regularly on this website called Teen Ink, so if you want to read more of my writing, you should go on there! My username there is JTatsu, if you're curious. Happy reading and enjoy the rest of your summer!

Hello, would like some honest feedback on the little beginnings of a post-apocalyptic story I've been writing ;) Here it is:
          
          Panting, with sweat pouring down her forehead, Sheila looked at her canine companions in horror. Correction. Her former canine companions. Looking at their feral eyes, and their snarling, bristling maws full of sharp, carnivorous teeth, Sheila could think of quite of a few words to describe her former pets, and companion was not one of them. 
          She stood helplessly in the gaze of Mopsie and Queen, her former friends, trying to wonder when the trouble began. She was visibly trembling before them and their new pack, which stared at her in the gloom of the upcoming sun. They continued to stare at each other until the sun was high in the sky, and you could see the waves of visible heat in the dry, arid landscape. 
          Sheila looked away, whimpering. 
          “I don’t have enough food… I’m sorry…”
          Queen, with an all knowing glint in her eye, suddenly tore the knapsack away from Sheila’s torso, leaving it even more unprotected than it was before. Sheila yelped, closing her eyes in expectation of the tearing apart of her delicate flesh, but instead she hears the tearing of the nylon strands of her knapsack, in which all its possessions tumble out in a rolling, unorganized wave. 
          The wolves and newly joined feral dogs attack the food ravenously, smacking their lips and eating like-well, dogs. One wolf, when it finds there is no food left for it by its comrades, swallows the remains of the knapsack, whole. 
          They stare at Sheila again, not yet satisfied, never blinking, their eyes filled with the undomesticated, dangerous qualities of the wild.
          “No….” 
          Sheila struggles to her feet, but the pack completely surrounds her, forcing her to all fours. An angry
           growl pierces the silence.

@jryu128 Just send me your user and any story you would like reviewed :)

To my followers and anyone else: I will review any stories you would like! In exchange for this, you may read my story but it is not required. However, I am going to tell you ahead of time, I am going to be completely honest. Thank you!

Thanks to everyone who viewed my story! It would be great if you could comment and give some feedback and vote if there is a part that is particularly good. ;) Happy reading (and possibly writing) everybody!