katEsC00l

I am back after being sick for a while, and panicking about the sheer amount of work I have to do, including a "Model UN" thing that the high school at my school does, that's basically you pick a country, research their opinion on a certain issue, write an essay, and then have to participate in a mock meeting to try and solve the issue. I am TERRIFIED I have never done it before, and I'm a year younger than everyone else in it. I'm also just a huge procrastinator. On a side note, I ordered a couple different things to put together into a costume, and I'm really glad I ordered backups for my main peice, because it was suddenly delyaed to October 31. But it's fine, I really like the backup to

I made a Demon Slayer OC!
          
          The first photo is the one I took as a base imag to heavily edit, and the second is the final
          
          https://docs.google.com/document/d/1O02bd7v6LbDYNN3wzT3ltMjwFhdKWF6pcM_r54snPgU/edit?tab=t.0
          
          AU and Character Facts: So, in this AU, Kokoshibo was still fairly jealous of Yorichii (who wouldn't be in his situation) but still cared deeply abut his brother. He was turned into a demon against his will, and came up with the plan to take down Muzan by growing stronger than him, but he's still a nice guy, so he purposefully sought out evil humans to kill, and then he woud eat them to increase his power, but this method takes a long time,  his progress is slow. (and yes, one of the main reasons I made him like this is so that Muichiro and Genya can stay in one piece) A couple hundred years after, The OC (who I still haven't named) comes along after willing turning into a demon, but no knowing what it would entail. She trained with two bladed throwing stars, and some people (humans) killed her little sister while she out. When she found out, she went to kill them, but muzan found her, (similar to how Akaza became a demon) and told her he could make her stronger, but not anything else about being a demon. Blinded by rage and a thirst for revenge, she didn't quesion it much and accepted. She took them down, but then ate them afterwards. Confused and horrified at the situaton, she ran away from the scene and was found by Kokoshibo. He could tell she didn't become a demon for power over people due to selfishness or maliciouness, and explained the whole thing about demons. She was agahst, and didn't want to have to kill random humans all the time, and because he thought there waas a good chance she'd join him, Kokoshibo told her what he'd been doing.  Not enough room to type the rest, read next part.

This year, I've been in a friend group of three, which I don't have the best past with, (last time I got left out of literally everything, I was the extra friend) but it's been really great so far. I have a habit of repressing my real personality to make myself more likable, but with them, I've been coming out of my shell a little bit, especially today. Until art class, which I have 7th period. One of my trio is there, and I've been teasing him a lot more than usual today, honestly still very tame for friend teasing, but I hardly ever tease normally cause I'm afraid to offend people. Anyway, he got annoyed, and he did say this in a sort of joking tone, but he said I've been acting kind of bitchy lately. I asked him after if how I'd been acting lately really bothered him or if it was just a joke, cause you never know with him, and he said it really did. I actually felt my real personality kind of curl back up on itself and hide again. Now I guess I'm back to repressing because my so called irrational fear of people not liking me for my real personality was true. Even my movements and motions are more restrained again. anyway, yay. also math sucked and I felt like a complete failure and stupid bitch, and scratched myself with my nails repeatedly throughout the day, but in a really obvious spot, which made me feel like more of a stupid bitch. But you know, I haven't even left school yet, there's plenty of time for the day to get better! and at least no one suspects anything since I'm pretty good at pretending to be happy. I've acctually had that song, "put on a happy face" stuck in my haed for a while. pretty acurate

Amazing news! My friend's email was messed up, so she didn't ghost me or any of the other messed-up scenarios I came up with!  My mom found an old kid's menu that I colored on when I was like 4 or 5, and I drew a very wonky castle on the back. I also wrote a sort of story to go with it. it wa pretty basic weird kid stuff, my family went on a two year long vacation and stayed there, the beach froze for skating in the winter. but the it got to the dungeon. apperently my unclestayed there when he visited until dinner when he was,in the exact words, "let out" I don't know what was going on in my child brain

This is the revised version of the poem. You advice acctually made me believe the last part, so thank you
          
          Igniting the hours ahead
          Trying then failing
          Striking chords between strangers
          Trying then failing
          Tending the threads between souls
          Trying then failing
          Turning motion to meaning
          Trying then failing
          Following the pulse of what’s real
          Trying again, failing again
          I can’t focus or breathe, or put into words
          The despair that follows me endlessly
          The infinite cycle
          Of trying and failing continues to go on relentlessly
          But sometimes a light will shine through the dark
          Glimmering, shimmering, then
          The cycle continues, but this time it’s changed
          Trying, and failing, and trying again

Sorry for this being so long. Today I kind of hate myself. minus the kind of. I go to a very small school were you can get easil get personal help from the teachers, so this just makes everything worse. In English everyone had to write a poem, and everyone else's that I read were literally masterpeices, while mine was shit. I also have a world Geography project that I keep procrastinating and I'm sure I'm going to fail because of it, and I can't ask for help because it's my fault I'm doing bad, and it was my choice to technically take world geo a year earlier than necessary. Then in Algebra I found out I got a lower grade on yesterday's quiz than I did on the last quiz, which means instead of improving I'm going down, and to make matters worse, my friend who last year wasn't the best at math got a perfect fucking 100. The reason I got a lower grade was also one of the stupidest errors I could have made. I may or may not have dragged my very pointy nails across my arm hard, repeatedly. It definitely left marks that thankfully no one noticed, and it kind of felt good. I also poked my arm with a needle when I got home later. Also my friend who I've mentioned in two of my previous things, I'm gonna call her S, has pretty much ghosted me. we were exchanging emails(cause I don't have a phone) every day, and then on Saturday she just stopped replying I've sent her at least one email every day since then. Maybe I'm too much, and she just decided she didn't wantto talk to me anymore? I don't know. anyway, I'm kind if realizing this only addressed to @someone3562 because you are my only follower, and now I feel guilty for burdi=ening you with my problems. Yay!

I just went for hours to different stores and the mall on a hunt for a dress for my school dance that wasn't floor length or super short, and had any substantial fabric on the the top, and had a little bit of luck. maybe. However, while walking the mall, I saw something that pretty much made my day. So, I've never acctually seen Demon Slayer, but I've seen a ridiculous amount of long clips and know a lot about the plot and a lot of random details too, and I love it. So I was looking at the level below us, and my eyes kept catching on this guy's (zipup) hoodie. I couldn't figure out why it was so familiar until the third time, when I realized, oh, that's the pattern on Tanjiro's haori, that's kind of funny. then after taking a closer look, wait, he's wearing hangafuda earrings. That is a Tanjiro and next to him is an Obanai. This just made me so happy to see people just walking around dressed as Demon Slayer characters, although the irony of the duo walking around as friends was not lost on me. also, all the stores kept playing songs I knew from edits. anyway, exausted, feet are killing me, but there were some highlights.

So, once again, no idea why I'm posting this, since most likely no one will see it, but  the friend, in my other announcment, we were on good terms again. Now all of the sudden she's back at her old school with no warning. I don't blame her for wanting to go back, all her old friends are still there, and I hosnestly feel like a bitch for even complaining about this since I am so lucky in life, and she has way more problems herself, but it just makes me feel like a terrible and inadaqute friend who was useless to help her with her problems and who she proabably hate and finds annnoying. I don't actually think she hates me but at the same time I do. i'm also ot the best at sorting my feelings out, but I at least loved her like a friend, and still do, and there's a chance i had a crush on her which causes even more problems since my dad is an atheist but conservative, and my mom and brother are catholic, and I'm a girl (Bi, I think) and as I said earlier, I feel like a bitch for complaining about these things since almost everyone has it so much worse. I also don't normally swear at all. but anyways, more reasons to hate myself! Yay!

I have no idea why I'm posting this, but I need to say it somewhere. My friend, probably the closest thing I've had to a best friend since kindergarten, asked to add her face to the face ID on my tablet, which is my main device and the one I bring to school. I, being the naive and overly trusting person that I am, agreed to quickly set it up for. Keep in mind this was around 6 months ago. The other day in art class, she just nonchalantly dropped the bomb that she looked through my tablet without me knowing, and acts like everything's fine. She even has the nerve to say, "Don't worry, I didn't find anything weird on there." I didn't now how to feel about then, I was just kind of shocked, but now that I've had some time to think about it, I'm kinda furious. She always says she has trust issues, and I get that, but this kind of thing is what gives you trust issues! And the worst part is that was on Friday and it's the weekend now, so she still thinks I'm okay with it. I rambled on for way to long, and probably no one is going to see it, but yeah