lkhxr_5

I MISSED THIS APP, HELLO GAY PEOPLE

I'm so desperate for some things that it's starting to ache

But I don't care if heaven's not waiting for me, I've seeked more than I ever sowed, yearning desperately for the coldest of touches, maybe the next pain will hurt me less, maybe i'd smile better.
          I've gone up, gone down, dug my own grave then climbed to the top, I'm high above, so below.
          Yet, amidst my warring thoughts, my aching heart, and my neverending agony, I stand proud; Nose up high, feet on the ground despite being unsteady, and for once, I hold myself back from weeping. Maybe this is time to break free, to let go of the pain, to find myself all over again. 
          Success is not guaranteed, but I know that if I remain in the depths of my own insanity I'll lose the remnants of control I've got. 

With each touch, i go madder and madder, you're everything i'd ever dream of, yet everything i've ever been scared of; I wish your eyes held more compassion towards me, but the hostility of your gaze never fails to make me break. I love you, I love you, I love you... I wish I didn't love you.

I've never written here while feeling good. It's something that I can never stop doing. But I surely do hope I could feel good one day, less pain and allat y'know.

i'mlosing my fucking mind
          What the fuck do you want from me??????
          After everything that you'd done
          What now?
          I'm getting swept up by the trauma i'm dealing with shit all over again what do you even want from me?
          Panic attacks or whatever i'm goin through idon't know why 
          Just please spill out and go 

Day and night I'd wished for your eyes to fall upon me
          To be held in your gentle gaze
          But i've never met a side of you that didn't hate me to bits
          And for that, i weep everyday.

My lover's got humour
          She's the giggle at a funeral
          Knows everybody's disapproval 
          I should've worshipped her sooner
          If the heavens ever did speak
          She's the last true mouthpiece 
          Every sunday's getting more bleak
          A fresh poison each week
          I was born sick 
          But I love it
          Command me to be well
          Oh oh amen
          Amen
          Take me to church 
          I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
          I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
          Offer me that deathless death 
          Good god, let me give you my life
          Take me to church 
          I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
          I'll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife
          Offer me that deathless death
          Good god, let me give you my life
          If i'm a pagan of the good times
          My lover is the sunlight 
          To keep the goddess on my side
          She demands a sacrifice 
          Drain the whole sea
          Get something shiny
          Something meaty for the main course
          That's a fine looking high horse
          What's you got in the stable 
          We've a lot of starving faithful 
          That looks tasty
          That looks plenty
          This is hungry work
          Take me to church 
          I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
          I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
          Offer me that deathles death
          Good god, let me give you my life
          Take me to church 
          I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
          I'll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife
          Offer me that deathless death
          Good god, let me give you my life
          No masters or kings
          When the ritual begins
          There's no sweeter innocence
          Than our gentle sin
          In the madness and soil
          Of that sad earthly scene
          Only then I am human
          Only then I am clean
          Oh oh amen
          Amen amen
          Take me to church 
          I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
          I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
          Offer me that deathless death
          Good god, let me give you my life
          Take me to church
          I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
          I'll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife 
          Offer me that deathless death 
          Good god, let me give you my life

What a shameful existence you have

And yes I'm pretty much still alive don't wanna reply to that in my feed there bec of well I'm disappearing and I can't be seen lol