madconfused

over 700 reads on the silence after the rain!! im excited to get back into writing, its been a long time coming

madconfused

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the united states is doing absolutely terrible rn, but i have bittersweet feelings, because we tend to come together more strongly in times of chaos and crisis, which is a good thing...
          
          at the same time, we ONLY come together in times of chaos and crisis, it's fr giving estranged family bands together to fight common evil, then just goes back to hating each other lmfao
          
          the dichotomy is so fucking weirdd
          
          all this to say, if you actually have a fuck to give, don't let the anxiety overwhelm you, you don't have to ONLY protest or ONLY donate to help.
          taking the time to do your own research and share information with others is very powerful.
          
          anyways, y'all have a great day!
          
          i'm going to an mma class for the first time and im a lil nervyyy
          
          i'll update if things go horribly wrong ;)

madconfused

673 reads???? this is actually insane for me wtf
          
          i wanna thank anybody who's kept up with this fuckass story like y'all must be so tired of me lmfaoo
          
          im thinking abt posting it on a03 as well, but we'll see
          
          anyways, thank you so much for the funny comments and being gracious with my terrible posting schedule, i don't deserve y'all fr :')
          
          https://www.wattpad.com/story/355630934

madconfused

imma rant bc i can and i want to
          
          im having dreams abt being in a relationship again and idk how to feelllll
          
          like im really secure within myself now, and im honestly not even looking for anything physical (but im not saying no either ), i really just want to build close relationships with people rn
          
          but the dreams got me feeling different and ion like ittt
          
          like when i look at myself as realistically as possible, i don't think anybody can handle me, not in a narcissistic way, but in the sense that im a complex person, and it feels like with the pool there is today, people aren't patient enough to want to understand someone, and it pisses me off so badd
          
          and its so crazy bc im open to literally anybody, and it seems like everyone is playing games instead of trying to make connections
          
          idk people are strange and alien to me im not sure what im gonna do

madconfused

you are so wise omg!!
            
            this really makes sense, because i used to think that i needed a significant other to be happy, bc so many people around me hold that to high standards. i'll literally see people moving on from their boyfriend in like a month or less, and im just hella confused. maybe im not the type of person to be able to spread my love and energy to a lot of people, but i felt like since i saw so much of that attitude towards relationships, then i should be in one too. im way past thinking im "undesirable" just bc i haven't been in a serious relationship, but i do get that thought that i should be in one, bc people dont take my advice seriously cause i haven't been in one??? idk people be wack. 
            
            but i really appreciate what u said about not shrinking yourself, i often get insecure about that, but im getting better at being unapologetically authentic. i saw somewhere that the more authentic you are, the more it'll drive away people that aren't meant to be in your life, and pull in more people that appreciate and support you, so im tryna live by that now :)
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nutterbutterss

@madconfused
            hey, first of all, i really feel you on this. thank you for being open — this kinda self-awareness and honesty takes strength.
            
            those dreams you're having… they could be stirring up something deeper, maybe not just about wanting a relationship but about emotional connection, intimacy, or even healing parts of yourself that still crave to be seen and understood. spiritually speaking, sometimes we’re targeted in our dreams — especially when we’re getting stronger, more secure, and aligned with ourselves. that confusion you’re feeling might not be coming from you at all.
            
            some believe that when we grow in clarity and inner peace, spiritual interference tries to pull us back into old wounds or temptations. it might not be a "demonic attack" in a scary way, but more like a test or disruption meant to shake your spirit. confusion and emotional fog are often signs of that. protect your peace — pray, ground yourself, and set spiritual boundaries in your dream space too (affirmations before sleep help a lot).
            
            you’re not “too complex” — you’re just deep. and depth intimidates people who are used to surface-level living. don’t shrink yourself. the right souls will meet you in your depths without needing you to explain every layer. patience and genuine energy still exist, even if it feels rare right now.
            
            stay rooted in your truth, and trust that what’s meant for you will find you without you needing to bend or dim yourself.
            
            you’re not alone in this. God bless <3
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madconfused

это сообщение может быть оскорбительным 
just popping on to talk abt more bullshit instead of writing lol
          
          i've been reading on ao3 recently, and have found the works to be more complex and compelling, and it's giving me a lot of inspiration
          
          i'm thinking of moving some of my works over there, but i'll still keep this account, i just think i won't be as active on here, if at all
          
          im open to any story suggestions tho! im procrastinating rn so anything helps lol