I finally posted it! I can't post links here so it's the first link on my conversations page on my profile. The video’s stupidly long though, so here’s the Tl:Dr.
Biggest weakness: you have an (understandable) problem trusting the audience. The best advice I could give you is knowing when to be subtle about a message you’re trying to convey, and knowing when not to be subtle.
Biggest strength: words cannot express how much I loved the way you wrote those characters. There’s a lot in this story that’s smartly written, but by far your greatest achievement in this story are the characters and how they’re I written. I love it, amazing job.
