melancholicAM

this message may be offensive 
I usually don’t post on here about random life updates, but honestly I’m just gunna do it for the vibes. 
          	But fun news, I just learned my first song on guitar, so now I’m up to 3 instruments, 2 of which I’ve only started to learn in the past few weeks. I know it’s nothing crazy learning new instruments, I just use to think that I was “just not very musical.” Now I realize that’s bullshit, anyone has the capacity to learn anything if they put their mind to it. Hence my excitement. 
          	
          	And! I bought my wedding dress. It wasn’t the one I originally thought I’d get, but I love my dress so much. It’s also super soft and comfortable, which is such a relief since I have such intense sensory issues. I also bought my wedding shoes, found them second hand for $3. And lastly, my veil. All within budget. 
          	
          	Oh, and my anniversary just passed with my fiancé, it’s not officially been six years together… which is crazy to me. 
          	
          	So yea, I guess that’s my little life update. Things are really good. I’ve just been a bit busy to write, but I am getting back into it. Honestly I’m feeling so refreshed at the moment, I’m excited to dive back in.

melancholicAM

this message may be offensive 
I usually don’t post on here about random life updates, but honestly I’m just gunna do it for the vibes. 
          But fun news, I just learned my first song on guitar, so now I’m up to 3 instruments, 2 of which I’ve only started to learn in the past few weeks. I know it’s nothing crazy learning new instruments, I just use to think that I was “just not very musical.” Now I realize that’s bullshit, anyone has the capacity to learn anything if they put their mind to it. Hence my excitement. 
          
          And! I bought my wedding dress. It wasn’t the one I originally thought I’d get, but I love my dress so much. It’s also super soft and comfortable, which is such a relief since I have such intense sensory issues. I also bought my wedding shoes, found them second hand for $3. And lastly, my veil. All within budget. 
          
          Oh, and my anniversary just passed with my fiancé, it’s not officially been six years together… which is crazy to me. 
          
          So yea, I guess that’s my little life update. Things are really good. I’ve just been a bit busy to write, but I am getting back into it. Honestly I’m feeling so refreshed at the moment, I’m excited to dive back in.

melancholicAM

Sorry I haven't been posting as much recently. Seasonal depression came early this year, and I'm having an absolute TIME with it. I'm alright, and I'm working away slowly, but I haven't had much of a desire to do much of anything recently. Writing is still fun for me, but I find I'm not able to push myself to do it for as long right now. 
          
          I'm hoping to get a chapter of Failed Perimeter Escape up later this month, and the other stories will keep releasing chapters as is, for right now. I'll see about keeping going, but I'm not going to push myself too hard.

melancholicAM

@FaintOfLight I LOVE THE NEW NAME AND PFP!! 
            
            But thanks again for being so understanding. I feel like recently (I mean last several months) I’ve been pushing myself super hard to try and keep up the posting schedule, only to be underwhelmed by my work or feeling the time constraints as my scheduled posts dwindle. It hasn’t been great, so I guess I just decided to let it slide and give up on the posting schedule for now. Ultimately though, it’s actually helped me a lot more because I’ve been wanting to write more recently. 
            
            I feel bad because FPE has been kind of pushed to the back burner and I know you love that one. I have this whole idea for the next arc, I just keep flip-flopping on it. I’ll figure it out though. :)
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FaintOfLight

Ohhh noo… I’m so sorry… But I’m relieved that you’re alright! I totally understand you, and I really appreciate how you do your best for us!! But it’s okay to post a bit less, and whatever you do, if you are happy, I will always be too and support you! What matters to me is that you also keep enjoying all you do — and you’re doing great!! You are and you will always be an INCREDIBLE author and my fav!! (Sorry, I have changed my name and my profile photo, but that’s still me — the girl who is really obsessed with your stories and keeps rereading them a million times haha)
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melancholicAM

UGH!!! 
          
          I had to take down Please Take My Hand again because I just noticed some of the chapters are out of place. And because I'm a goddamn dumb idiot moron, I now have to figure out how the hell I'm going to fix it. Otherwise, the characters and their motivations don't make any sense. Especially the main two. 
          
          I love writing stories about Emerson and Tyler, but honestly I almost want to delete this story. It frustrates me to no end because I wrote it in such a disjointed and weird way. 
          
          Now, I'm reaping what I sow, I guess. 
          
          This isn't another hiatus, just give me a bit so I can fix things and not be a self loathing idiot who wants to pull out their own hair.

FaintOfLight

This story is a safe place for me. But I really understand you, and I just want you to be proud of yourself — you will be, because whatever you do is always a masterpiece. :D
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melancholicAM

@LightInHometown It ended up being okay. I think I just got really frustrated with it, and find myself struggling to write that story because I wrote so much of it in my dump folder, planning to sort it out later. Now that I am working through when each thing happens, it's all quite jumbled. 
            
            It's okay. I think I'll probably do this again a few times, but I'll try not to. I probably won't delete it unless I have a really good reason to.
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FaintOfLight

AHHH NOOO please don’t delete this story!!… 
            Honestly, take all the time you need — it’s okay if we have to wait. What matters most is that you keep enjoying writing. I totally get how hard it can be to want to write but feel like it’s not good enough. This story really means a lot to me, and your writing is genuinely so beautiful and special. 
            ⸻
            
            I love Pem and Tyler, they’re so connected! It’s my favorite story with FPE, and I’d totally re-read it again, arghhh ahah 
            No matter what you decide, I’ll always support you — your stories mean so much to me, and I’m really grateful for them.
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melancholicAM

Anyway! 
          
          I might add a fun surprise on Friday. Probably won't do too much with it, and I'm not going to change the posting schedule, but just a little bonus for the funsies. 
          
          Stay tuned, I guess.

melancholicAM

@LightInHometown I’ll post at midnight EST, so in about an hour.
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FaintOfLight

YEAHHHHHH I’M SO HAPPY!! Thank u
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melancholicAM

So fun news. 
          
          I drank a frankly unhealthy amount of caffein today, listened to a song I haven't listened to in years, remembered a fanfic I wrote, based off that song, back in early high school, and decided to start rewriting it. 
          
          Now, I know I should be working on the stories I've already started, and I shouldn't give myself another project. But I always follow the dopamine, and currently the dopamine is requiring me to frenzy write everything I can remember about this old fic. Problem is, I don't have access, nor do I even remember my old Wattpad account, so I am writing purely off of memory and vibes. 
          
          So now, here's the question: do you guess want to hear about this at all? I could give some details to see if it interests anyone. And it isn't Twenty One Pilots, but I could pretty easily change that, so would that make it better?
          
          Please let me know. My brain is buzzing like a shaken hornets nest and I need something to hyper focus on.

topclique21

@melancholicAM YESSSS THAT SOUNDS SO SICKKK
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melancholicAM

@chvrr1es okay cool!! I’m leaning towards making it into another Tyler fic, but it was originally based on the PTV song “I’m low on gas and you need a jacket.” 
            
            So it was a Vic story originally, but oh well.
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chvrr1es

omg yes!
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melancholicAM

this message may be offensive 
GUYS I FUCKING MET SHAP!!!! I met him and gave him a bracelet and he gave me a guitar pick!!!!! I’m screaming!! 
          
          
          I did tech crew in high scool and mostly ran lighting board so I’m a total nerd about what he does and I cried real tears. I might make the picture I got with him my pfp, but idk it means showing my face. 
          
          Tyler Shappard is a master at lighting live shows and I’m so fucking happy. 
          
          I was also about 6 ft from Tyler and Josh more than once during the show and I’m amazed. Incredible concert, absolutely awe inspiring.

melancholicAM

@topclique21 THAT SUCKS!!! I really hope they tour again soon because I hope to get that kind of chance.
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topclique21

@melancholicAM realll, I almost met Mark at the concert last year but he stopped like TWO rows away from me :(
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melancholicAM

@topclique21 Honestly, I may just make it my pfp at this point. It's too good not to share. I'd also love to meet Mark and Lindsay if I ever get the opportunity. I've been following this band through their vlogs for far too long and it would be incredible.
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melancholicAM

Posted a chapter of Failed Perimeter Escapes to celebrate the fact that it's the end of an era. Please enjoy Chapter 30!!!!

melancholicAM

@Rhen_Roth I love to analyze media, and loving this band gives me so much that I can just sit and think about. 
            
            Honestly, even the lows in Clancy aren’t as low as some of the happier parts of Breach. I think RAWFEAR and Routines are great parallels, that’s a great point. I also think that RAWFEAR reminds of Trench’s general sound, which I think works really well to pull those same emotions of “things are bad, but I have to fight to make them better,” just with the added heaviness of someone who has lost that battle recently. 
            
            I love that they overcompensate whenever they make something new, but that they’re able to stay on message.
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rhenroth

this message may be offensive 
@melancholicAM it honestly so refreshing to see someone as passionate as I am about this band cause I keep a lot of these things to myself. Clancy definitely has way more high moments than Breach emotionally. Rawfear is like Routines' darker sibling. It's pessimistic in a way but also still pushing through cause the whole album still has that "yeah this shit is depressing as hell but fuck it, we ball anyway" energy to it. 
            
            Tyler did say he likes to overcompensate in each album for the previous one.
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melancholicAM

@Rhen_Roth  No I get it. I feel like Clancy was such a hopeful album, while Breach is generally a lot more defeatist. I think RAWFEAR, as well as, the rest of Breach, feels like a confession that there are still times that the darkness wins. 
            
            The relationship between just those two albums feels really cyclical to me. Clancy is the ups, and Breach is the downs. 
            
            It reminds me of the ineradicability of hope despite the futility of effort. I think it’s perfectly summarized in Oldies Station and Intentions. Those songs are the different sides of the same coin. Light and dark. 
            
            “Start a streak you’re bound to break.” And “I am starting it all over again.” Mean the same thing. Both are hopeful, but one feels as though they have just had the streak broken, while the other feels they are just at the beginning of their streak of good days mentally. 
            
            In this dissertation, I will… (I’m kidding, but honestly, I think too much about this stuff)
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