@milk19082006 I also did a bit of brief research into mental health supports in your country that you could access, and I found a good one called the Hub of Hope. If you go online and go on their website, and click the "Get support" button, it takes you to a page where on the left hand side you can choose exactly all the areas your struggling with, like depression, anxiety, trauma, abuse, etc, and if you scroll even further down on the left hand bar, you can find services either in-person, online, over the phone or have peer support groups where you can talk to people who are also struggling just like you that you could connect with and talk to, because talking to us online may not be the same as being able to talk about your struggles and make friends with people who've had similar experiences to you, in person. The website did mention that most of the support is free, though anything that is labelled as the 'Private Sector' isn't. So you might be able to find some free mental health support using the Hub of Hope and join a peer support group and meet others who are also struggling just like you.
You're always free to talk to me if you want to vent and all, but you're struggling a lot and sometimes just talking to people online might not be enough to push you out of the suicidal mindset, so please seek mental health in your area. They can help.
