Hi! 
My name is Bartosz, but unless you're blind - it's highly likely you know that - if you are blind, holy shit how'd you get here?!

Shameless plug - check out my story!
https://www.wattpad.com/myworks/205276524-the-chronic-reincarnator

I love writing comedy and fantasy - the idea of laughing at the fact you'll die by thirty from a preventable disease is hilarious - imagine if I could add sound effects! 
Peasant one walks up to peasant two - "Hey, did you read today's newspaper?" "Nope - I'm illiterate." *plays laughing soundtrack as both peasants look towards the camera*

Alright, back to the point - I'm here because normal publishing is hard, I Googled popular book publishers and not only do they not have a "Submit" button on their profiles, they also have demands like "Having your book be actually finished." or "Spell checking your book" or "Not being wanted for tax evasion and currently on your way to international water."

Well, those were at least three attempts to get to the point and each ended with a shitty joke - if you're not considering an auto-labotomy with the use of the closest sharp object - then you may be interested in my book!