~Revenge sounds so mean, that's why I like to call it returning the favor
~I get most of my exercise these days by shaking my head in disbelief
~I'm 100% sure I called shotgun, why are you shoving me in the back?

Yeahhh I realize that I'm being arrested, but the rules of shotgun are pretty clear man
~I advise you, don't mess with me, I know karate, kung fu, judo, tae kwon do, and about 28 other dangerous words.
~ When someone asks me what I did over the weekend I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
~A DAY WITHOUT COFFEE IS LIKE.... I'm just kidding, I have no idea
~I'M NOT SAYING LETS KILL ALL THESE STUPID PEOPLE I'm saying just remove all the warning signs and let the issue sort itself out
~*MY FIRST DAY AS A CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATOR* 
Detective: How did this man drown?
Me: He couldn't breathe underwater.
~I HAVE ABS
-solutely no self-control when it comes to dessert
~An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough

~Your daily dose of sarcasm
~You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

Check out my first story Beautiful Disaster
Short description:
Basically, the son of one of the biggest gangs in the us meets this sweet good girl who has extremely rich parents, but the guys dad is killed, and they find out the girl's father did it, so on so forth.

The girl you just called fat? She is anorexic. The girl you just called ugly? She is planning on getting plastic surgery. The boy you just tripped? He is already abused at home. The man you made fun of for his scars? He fought for his country. That boy you laughed at for crying? His mother is dying of cancer. You think you know their life, but you don't! Put this on your profile if you're against bullying. I bet 95% of you won't put this on your profile, but I'm sure the 5% of you will. Copy and paste this on your profile

Oh and if you want some more stories, go check out my other profile:
@just_that_beach
Alex B. Woods