raybans + coffee

for the first time in forever...there are words on a page!
          
          Yup, I just managed to use a Frozen song to talk about my writing. I couldn’t resist because I’m that big of a nerd. Unfortunately for anyone who has read any of my past work, it’s not tied to any of my previously published stories. They are all still on hold. I want to finish them. But trying to climb back into them is just a LOT, especially considering everything I’ve written for them in the last 2 years, has been a struggle. 
          
          I’ve hated everything I’ve written since early 2020. Until this. And last night I passed 10k words. That’s not something I’ve been capable of doing in a very long time. I actually like what I’m writing. In fact, the only edits I’ve made are to go back and add more to parts. I’m also going MUCH easier on myself. This isn’t a 10k word per chapter novel like so many of my other stories have been.
          
          I honestly haven’t even decided if I will publish it. I know people love what I’ve written and that means SO much to me, but I am fearful of reactions if I post something new while I have two unfinished published pieces out there already. But truthfully, so far, it’s one of my favorite things based on what I’ve written and what my ideas are. It’s AU/FanFic, ya know, my realm of writing. My main character is a writer struggling with life and her work (face claim is Sophia Bush for those curious) and my main male character is an AU Sebastian Stan. I feel like I’m writing a Hallmark movie that includes a lot of snark, many many swear words and obviously the one thing all Hallmark films are missing, sex. 
          
          It is clearly still very early stages. I have two friends acting as beta readers and my Mom lets me read what I write to her. So far she also loves it. If you’re interested in beta reading, feel free to reach out. It might take a while before I feel okay sharing it.
          
          Life has been anything but easy for me the last couple of years so finding my way back to my writing feels like I’m home.
          
          xoxo.

Hello everyone! I thought you all deserved an update since it's been an entire year since I stopped by to say anything at all. 
          
          Honestly, I haven't been able to write anything in the last year. I hit the worst writer's block of my life and had to stop trying because everything I wrote I deleted and I hated it. 
          
          There's a whole world of explanations behind it which all combined together to create a world that stole my inspiration:
          - I work in social media. So as you can imagine, social media in 2020 was well a clusterf*ck. Whether it was the increase of work or everyone arguing with each other online my every day involved sitting at a computer and trying so hard to stay away from it when I could. As a writer, avoiding computers means no writing.
          - At the end of 2019 I lost my Grandfather. The grief was immense and swallowed me whole. I still have days that it's a struggle so writing a story that has as much grief involved as 'Adventure of a Lifetime' was extremely hard.
          - Well 2020. It was *waves hands wildly* a lot. 
          - On August 10th Iowa experienced a derecho (an inland hurricane) that did a significant amount of damage to my house. We are still a construction zone and has my entire home disrupted. We ate on the dining room floor for 3 weeks before deciding my desk that once stared out a beautiful window would make a decent table, which we've been eating at for almost 3 months on a project that was supposed to take 3 days.
          
          The good news is after almost a year the construction to repair my house is almost done and part of what we've done is create a place for me to write and be inspired. In fact, it's the room in my house where I wrote my very first story - I live in my childhood home as an adult so it holds a lot of secrets and memories. My workload is evening out to it's pre-2020 levels which makes staring at a computer not such a daunting task.
          
          Thank you so much for sticking by and supporting me. I am forever grateful for you. I hope to be back soon.
          
          Annie

*please imagine the photo of my incredibly full dry erase board - I can’t figure out how to post it*
          
          When you can’t sleep and you’ve been re-reading your own writing in an attempt to get out of a pandemic induced writers block so you create a massive to do list on your current story. 
          
          Guess who is hopefully coming out of hiatus?! THIS GIRL!
          
          Cross your fingers that re-reading “Adventure of a Lifetime” helps bring me out of my funk. I miss writing so much and since work life is starting to calm, COVID numbers are skyrocketing here so I’m still quarantined, and there is no end in sight for my weird new normal I might as well try writing again, right?
          
          There’s a lot here. And it doesn’t mean that I’m going to start writing tomorrow. But it does hopefully mean soon. I am also considering taking on a beta reader or a few beta readers to help me edit/make sure the story flows well since I’m out of practice. One of my friends normally does it for me but given the pandemic she is working from home and had been homeschooling her two girls. Needless to say being my beta reader for me is not priority. If you are interested send me a message. I’m still deciding if this is something I want to do or not. It’s sort of an uncomfortable thing to accept critiques on my writing from people who don’t know me, my weird idiosyncrasies and the direction of the story. But it’s an idea and I want to see if there’s still interest in this story. 
          
          I miss you all. I should try sleeping since I’m finally not feeling the weight of this to do list and an empty dry erase board. 

I am happy to report that the current chapter I am writing is hovering right around 8600 words!!! YAY!!!
          
          
          Today was a super rough day though. I couldn’t maintain enough brain power to get through my work so I have a few long days ahead of me to make up for it. This is the week I do all of the strategic side of my work for my clients for next month, which is pretty time consuming. I also have a board meeting on Saturday morning. Then one final family holiday celebration after that. So needless to say my week was already long and needing to have an easier Monday than normal made it longer.
          
          
          So in order to force myself to relax I got in bed about an hour ago to pick a movie. I settled on A Simple Favor. I’m going to try and relax and sleep - this movie may not have been my greatest idea, haha. I had a completely shitty night of sleep last night and I’m ending Day 12 of my migraine with literally no end in sight that doesn’t involve a trip to urgent care, which I can’t afford to do this week. 
          
          
          So early to bed, early to rise, long ass fucking week for me. I am hopeful that my days aren’t nearly as long as I think they will be so that I can actually finish this chapter and get back to a regular writing schedule. 
          
          
          Thank you for your patience and sticking with me. Winter has been rough AF to say the least.
          
           Annie

Guess who is alive? ME!!! I just opened my WIP doc and I'm putting the finishing touches on Chapter Twelve my hope is to publish tonight or tomorrow. YAY!!

Hello Flu Season!
          
          I started feeling sick last weekend after a massage and though “an hour on my stomach with hot stones and a 40 degree temperature change just has my allergies acting up.” 
          
          HA!
          
          Try again. I went to the doctor today and left with two prescriptions and a diagnosis of a sinus infection, bronchitis and influenza b. Yay.  
          
          The only good reason for this - Disney+! I’ve been glued to it since Tuesday. I’ve watched so much random shit. The Muppets, JONAS, Camp Rock (1 + 2), every Zenon movie, the 1960 version of Swiss Family Robinson and of course, The Mandalorian. Now I’m watching K.C. Undercover because I love Zendaya. I really considered having her be the face claim for Savannah and decided against it at the last minute. Let me tell you how much I’m regretting that right now. She’s so damn adorable. 
          
          Hopefully I fall asleep soon - thank science for NyQuil! I’ll be laid up for a while longer. Feel free to hit me up and keep me company. Hopefully I get the energy to finish up the next chapter in the next couple of days. 
          
          xx. Annie

Two huge scenes for chapter 12 in the bag! Now I can go shower and wind down for the evening. Woot!
          
          
          I am trying to decide on the face claims for Vince, Stevie and Mandi. It’s a thing I’ve been thinking on for a few weeks. Picking face claims for parents is tricky. If you have suggestions submit them to me. I’d love to hear who you picture in the roles. 

Ok. It’s official. The haze has lifted. Am I still grieving? Absolutely. But I got back to work this week and had the most productive week I’ve had in months. And I’m the last 3 days I’ve written 7,483 words. Chapter 10 is finished and sitting at around 9,900 words and I’m already 3,075 words into Chapter 11. I’ll do some editing on 10 and hopefully publish tomorrow and if lamb luck continues with some alone time in my house the next few days I just might get through 11 too. 
          
          The death of my grandpa was hard and through me for a loop with everything. But I took the time. I focused on me and now I’m feeling ok continuing. 
          
          As for the news this week regarding the male love interest in my current story. I believe that cancel culture is toxic. I believe in innocent until proven guilty. And I also believe some people will do anything to get their way in a divorce. For now I will continue writing Adventure of a Lifetime and not make any changes to Jeremy being my main character. If a court of law proves that the allegations against him are true I will consider my options. Whatever happens I hope that what is best for Ava is the outcome. Kids deserve the world and right now hers seems upside down. 

Today I finally feel a little bit more like myself, despite the migraine I woke up with; though let's be honest, a migraine is probably the most accurate way for me to spend a day. I've gotten myself comfortable, turned on some music, and opened my work in progress doc. It's time to find myself again in my writing after a really f*cking hard week. Am I still dealing with grief in a major way? Absolutely. Nothing is going to change that though. So it's time to do the things that make me happiest, like listen to music and write. A few deep breathes and I'm back at it.

Yesterday my heart shattered into a million pieces. I lost my grandfather. I can’t even begin to say how lucky I feel that I had nearly 36 years of my life with him in it. He lived an amazing and fulfilled life. He turned 96 years old on Monday. He was the most prepared and comfortable person with death I’ve ever known. He just wanted to go be with my Grandma. 
          
          Grief is a funny thing. Here I sit, going through photos to send to the funeral home for a slideshow for his visitation and my heart continues to break. I don’t know that I will ever not miss him. He was kind, loving, wickedly funny, and one of the most insanely intelligent people I’ve ever met. I know how lucky I am. I know that some people don’t get their grandparents into their 30s. And despite all of that I am still at a loss for how Thanksgiving and Christmas will feel without him. What it will be like to make meatballs for the first time knowing that they were his favorite food. He was so proud that I carried on his family traditions because family meant everything to us.
          
          The world lost one of its greatest yesterday. If I’m radio silent for a while please forgive me. Life is sort of imitating my art at this point. My characters are named after important people from my grandpa’s family. Evie’s last name, Scarcello, was his mother’s maiden name, her name was Grace. He had a brother James. There was a Michael, John and Gloria too. Charlie was his oldest brother. Frank his Dad. He…he was Anthony, Tony to those who knew and loved him.
          
          I’ll probably be a grieving emotional mess for a while. So maybe it will be cathartic to write the grieving process. Who knows. But until I am in a position to feel like myself again please bear with me.
          
          xx. Annie – I also happen to be named after his oldest sister. 
          
          Family is everything. Hug your loved ones a little tighter. Tell your parents you love them. Call your grandma and grandpa. I wish I’d called mine more.