renvalk

Goodnight, love you.

Oh. Nevermind.

Guess who just relapsed

Goodbye. Im gonna respond later before i sleep. Im gonna get the Blade out and try it again. I honestly don't have anymore hope in me.

I'll be the most perfect girl for them because fuck it if i cant be the most perfect girl to the one i loved. FUCK EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE IM GONNA START DOING SHIT WITHOUT STOPPING BECAUSE IF I CANT HAVE HIM THEN I MIGHT AS WELL JUST GET WORSE!

I can make myself puke up what i ate earlier. Its nothing that big of a deal. 

Time to get a new Blade. I lost the old one anyways. 

The thoughts are getting louder and i know its bad to do it but i don't have anybody thats worthy enough anymore for me to love genuinely and so i hope that somewhere that they're doing better than me right now. 

I swear if my thoughts are true then im genuinely never gonna try and get better. I'll just die shitty. Like Ive always been. But even more shittier. I'll never talk to anyone about it, keep talking to creeps, relapse and scar my skin, starve myself, try and save up money for pills, consume more media. I'll keep being happy for them. And then after that i'll just dissapear. Like nothing ever happened. Besides, i don't even have anybody else to get better for if he genuinely did leave me. Im grasping onto stupid fake hope that maybe, maybe someone chose to stay with and put up with my antics for longer than a year. Im such a fucking idiot... Im such a dumbass. Fuck this shit man. Fuck.

I feel so stupid for thinking someone would actually fucking stay with me holy shit fuckkkk i knew it i God damn knew it i was thinking bad shit wants going to happen to me anymore and i fucking get this type of shit and i swear to myself i just need to hope but fuck hope i feel like im losing faith that im just being impatient i want i really want to wait amd yet something tells me shit isnt gonna get resolved if i do so and... What the fuck am i supposed to do? Everyone too shitty in the head to grasp what im feeling. I cant even tell anybody else. I fucking hate this. I hate having to choose. I don't want to. I want to stay. Fuck.