@ruby_ribbon
Hi do check out my story veins of iron. It's a slow burn romance with fantasy and politics. I'm a new writer and would love to get your feedback!!
Would you be interested in v4v.
https://www.wattpad.com/story/395969747?utm_source=android&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_writing&wp_page=create&wp_uname=Tinaw82
Hi! I went through your prologue and the first three chapters and wanted to share some notes. Overall, your story has a strong foundation, rich themes, and significant emotional and mythological potential. One recurring observation is that some sections lean more on exposition and summary than fully dramatised scenes, which may create a bit of distance for the reader or slow the pacing.
Prologue:
The emotional core is strong, especially Sanghoon’s trauma, isolation, and gradual descent toward revenge, but the prologue covers a large span of his life very quickly. Some major moments (such as his mother’s death, his father’s betrayal, and the shift toward revenge) may feel even more impactful if the focus narrows to a single defining event, allowing the reader to experience it through sensory detail, internal conflict, and character reactions. The intruder scene has good tension and could be even stronger with fewer repetitions and clearer escalation.
Chapter 1:
The mythological scope and tone are engaging, though parts of the chapter read more like a mythology overview than a narrative scene. Filtering the lore through a character’s perspective or purpose could help anchor the information. The interactions between Hades, Persephone, Cerberos, and Lily are enjoyable, and tightening the dialogue, trimming repetition, and smoothing transitions would strengthen immersion.
Chapter 2:
The worldbuilding is imaginative and detailed, but at times leans toward encyclopedic explanation. The emotional stakes, especially involving Cerberos’ child and the contrast between Hades and Persephone, are strong and might resonate more through dramatised interaction rather than extended explanation. Shortening some conversations and embedding world details into action could help with pacing.
Chapter 3:
The emotional conflict and themes are compelling, particularly Persephone’s fear and defiance and the looming threat of Zeus. Some key moments feel rushed due to limited buildup, and allowing actions and dialogue to carry more of the emotional weight could help those moments land more strongly.
Overall, you have a really solid foundation, strong ideas, and clear themes. Slowing down in key moments, showing rather than telling, tightening dialogue, and trusting the reader to feel the emotion through the scene could make a big difference. I hope this helps, and I’m happy to clarify anything if you’d like!
Could you Plz write something similar to concubine based on lesbian Queen and young girl.. thanks
V 4 v
Hi,
I'm working on a new fantasy romance. If you could please check it out that would be amazing! Really looking for feedback and maybe some dedicated readers. Lmk what you think <3
https://www.wattpad.com/story/403548490-firefly-and-the-hollow
@henvick First of all, I'd like to thank you for your compliments and suggestions. Honestly, I didn't think that far ahead because this is my first time as a writer. And sorry, right now I don't have much confidence in my writing results.
Your storyline is instantly gripping. The image of Go Jioh, the last daughter of the 28th king of Goguryeo, being forced to become a concubine to the very man who destroyed her kingdom carries so much tension, emotion, and depth. It sets up a powerful tale of survival, pride, and inner conflict. The historical backdrop adds even more weight, making the stakes feel real and intense.
Have you published this on Amazon or added it to Goodreads before?
@ruby_ribbon I completely understand, every great writer starts exactly where you are right now. Confidence comes later, but what matters first is the strength of the story itself, and you already have that. The emotion, the cultural depth, the tension… those aren’t things beginners usually get right on the first try. And don’t worry, you’re not expected to “have it all figured out.” That’s why platforms like Amazon and Goodreads exist, they’re simply places that help your story reach people who would genuinely love it. You don’t need experience to explore them; you just need someone to guide you through the process, step by step. If you ever decide to take that leap, even slowly, I’ll be right here to help you shape it, format it, and prepare it so you feel confident in what you’re putting out. Your story has way more potential than you think.
@ruby_ribbon Wow, that’s amazing, especially for your very first story. You already have a compelling concept and a strong emotional pull, which is rare for first-time writers. Publishing here is a great start, and your story has the kind of depth that can captivate a wider audience. Out of curiosity, where are you with it right now, editing, formatting, or already sharing it with readers? Also, if you ever consider expanding, platforms like Amazon and Goodreads are globally recognized by readers. Most people don’t know about Wattpad, so having your work there can help you reach a much larger audience. I’d be happy to guide you if you want to take that next step.
@henvick No. I just publish stories here, and this is also my first experience writing a story.