Hi! I went through your prologue and the first three chapters and wanted to share some notes. Overall, your story has a strong foundation, rich themes, and significant emotional and mythological potential. One recurring observation is that some sections lean more on exposition and summary than fully dramatised scenes, which may create a bit of distance for the reader or slow the pacing.
Prologue:
The emotional core is strong, especially Sanghoon’s trauma, isolation, and gradual descent toward revenge, but the prologue covers a large span of his life very quickly. Some major moments (such as his mother’s death, his father’s betrayal, and the shift toward revenge) may feel even more impactful if the focus narrows to a single defining event, allowing the reader to experience it through sensory detail, internal conflict, and character reactions. The intruder scene has good tension and could be even stronger with fewer repetitions and clearer escalation.
Chapter 1:
The mythological scope and tone are engaging, though parts of the chapter read more like a mythology overview than a narrative scene. Filtering the lore through a character’s perspective or purpose could help anchor the information. The interactions between Hades, Persephone, Cerberos, and Lily are enjoyable, and tightening the dialogue, trimming repetition, and smoothing transitions would strengthen immersion.
Chapter 2:
The worldbuilding is imaginative and detailed, but at times leans toward encyclopedic explanation. The emotional stakes, especially involving Cerberos’ child and the contrast between Hades and Persephone, are strong and might resonate more through dramatised interaction rather than extended explanation. Shortening some conversations and embedding world details into action could help with pacing.
