Cakie009
He there, I've been reading a while and see you want to be an author full time. I am by no means professional but welcome 'mentoring the person a step behind you' idea.
Your female vampire book has potential if molded right way. It had me hooked from the start, it needs little work of flow/characters actions and uses of paragraphs that may aid the flow.
Getting of the roof scene was good example, I thought pregnant lady accidentally fell to her death.
Separating dialogue text from the rest would be an easy next step for paragraphs.