this message may be offensive
you ever feel like you break everybody you become close to, that you’re so fucking stupid and worthless, and that you may decide to kill yourself in an hour, day or week, but you don’t really know and it scares you.
i’d rather be dead at this stage, and i don’t really care if someone comes at me and calls me an attention seeking bitch, go ahead, i’m done anyways.
not done with life just yet, i’m trying to work through these things, however slowly it’s going to take, i’m nowhere close, but maybe if i think as positively as i can, maybe i can find the will to keep existing.
i’m sharing this here cause nobody else really cares, or would listen, so it’s kind of nice to have it on here, even if nobody does care.
which is okay, i’ve definitely fucked up my friendships on this platform, and to those people i’m so fucking sorry for leaving, y’all probably don’t even remember me, but i remember you, and a lot of you definitely made me smile on some days, so thank you <3
i’m not self harming, maybe cause i’m too much of a pussy, so perhaps that’s a good sign. my life has just been nothing but loneliness, and repetitive pain, and being sick just makes it even worse. some days i wonder why i’m still here.
my learning stupidity making school torture, having everyone in your family set up for success and happiness, for a future. being so emotionally unstable that even my own mind tells others to fuck off so that they don’t get too close.
being the odd kid in class, so that no one approaches. hiding behind the mute button so that nobody hears me talk, helping everybody else without giving a shit about myself.
this is a big fucking rant, i need to get it out somewhere, on the off chance that one day i’ll figure out how to be happy again </3
yet again, to everyone i’ve talked to, i love you all.
- ness