thewalkingbread

THE FIRST EPISODE IS NOW OUT PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! 
          	
          	Original Story & Characters 
          	https://www.wattpad.com/1508665617?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=postToProfile&utm_content=share_writing&wp_page=create_writer&wp_uname=monthings

Night_Writer702

Hi. I read it. It's terrific. Here are my thoughts.
          
          Very emersive first chapter. Your writing skills are great. The grammar, sentence structure, composition and flow are all good. You also keep your tense correct throughout so that is a definite plus. There's excellent world building as well which is terrific for a first chapter. There's a good ending hook as well which keeps people wanting more. One small structural issue - I notices that the entire first chapter is in italics but there's a few paragraphs around the middle of the chapter that aren't in italics. I think this was just a small error but wanted to let you know. If you're interested in a few pointers you might think about switching to third person POV. Your first person POV is very well done but third person does read a little better, but again that depends on your preference. Otherwise it's great. I'll keep reading as more chapters come out.