this message may be offensive
Okay, so I'm going to let out a long vent.
If you get triggered easily, do not read. If you think I'm lying, go fucking ahead. However this is my life experience and if you think I'm being dramatic, you can kindly leave my page.
I'm sick of my childhood trauma. I'm sick of feeling worthless and unloved. I'm sick of being neglected. I'm sick of getting flashbacks to when I was being abused verbally and witnessing my "parents" argue and abuse each other. I'm sick of living with no parents. I'm sick of feeling like I need to perfect everything. I'm sick of getting jealous over people who are living happily. I'm tired of being ungrateful. I'm sick of crying every night. I'm sick of feeling vulnerable and pathetic. I'm sick of age regression. I'm sick of getting angry over tiny things. I'm sick of being told that I shouldn't have been born (which is funny because I was an accident baby, and I was told not to get aborted. But if my family keeps saying I'm useless, why bother keeping me alive?) I'm sick of getting into toxic relationships. I'm sick of my family not being there for me. I'm sick of multiple of my family members drinking and smoking then blaming me for everything. (I had to run away more then two times haha) I'm sick of having a childhood full of emptiness. I'm sick of this unhealed trauma weighing on my back.
AND I'm SICK of venting out to people when I know I'm bringing their mood down. I really HATE- DESPISE venting out to people because I feel guilty.
(That's part of the reason why I posted on here, at least this way I cannot interfere with a lot of people.)
For example, I always vent to my irl friends. They always have to listen to the shit I have to say. I try to stop, but I can't. I know they won't, but I'm scared that they're getting sick of me. My friend Sierra already knows what kind of living conditions I live in, and she still loves me (thank gosh) as I love her. (Not romantically.)