Please ignore this if it sounds unnecessary, but I really needed to get this off my chest because it’s been bothering me for a long time. So I’ve always been the type of person who wants to be perfect at everything I do...except studies, IRONICALLY. I think it comes from constantly being compared to others since childhood. After hearing “someone else is better” over and over again, it kind of became a voice inside my own head. No matter what I do, it keeps telling me I’m still not good enough. A lot of you only know me as a writer now, but before this, I went through so many phases trying to find something I truly belonged in. When I was younger, I was deeply into editing and spent almost two years doing it. I even got noticed a lot, but I still kept thinking other people’s edits were cooler, better, more impressive. Eventually, I lost interest because I could never feel satisfied with myself. Then I tried becoming a content creator, but every time I watched my own videos, I’d cringe and feel like they weren’t good enough either. After that, I got into drawing, something I was actually decent at.. but once again, I slowly lost confidence and interest. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Honestly, I never imagined I’d become a writer, especially because I wasn’t fluent in English. But writing was the first thing that genuinely made me feel something. I enjoyed creating stories, emotions, and characters. But even now, I still can’t fully be at peace with myself. That constant comparison never really left me. Every time I start a new book, I push myself harder and harder to improve, yet somehow I still feel like I’m lacking something.. like maybe I’m not truly meant for this, or maybe I can’t express emotions as beautifully as others can. And to my readers, I’m honestly sorry if I ever disappoint you or fail to become the kind of writer you expected me to be.
I don’t really know why I’m sharing all of this. Maybe I just needed someone to hear it =_=
