Sahohime

The Second Daughter - Part 2

Despite me falling out of Mother's favour, she was still inclined to hire me a governess. I was still the daughter of a noble, one of the Taisho, no less, so I had to act the part.

Mother hired a woman called Lady Suzumi to teach me the ways of the nobility. This was during my fifth year, which among the nobility marks the end-of-infancy. It is a time to celebrate the fact that your child survived their earliest years. I suppose Lady Suzumi's service was Mother's begrudging gift to me.

Whatever, I accepted it.

"Teach her not to slander the Mogami name," was what Mother told Lady Suzumi. She never wasted her words, least of all on me. As if for emphasis she opened her favourite camellia-patterned fan and glared at me from over the top of the fabric. A glare was all that was needed to say, Don't disappoint me more than you already have.

And thus, Lady Suzumi came into my service, or rather, I into her teachings.

She was a woman from the Fujisaki Clan, one of Father's closest vassals, a beautiful woman with a lithe figure and long, dark hair, which streamed behind her like a waterfall. She had pale skin like mine, but caked in face powder. She wore bright rouge most days and fine eyeliner. Lady Suzumi carried herself in the utmost manner of elegance. I heard she was a widow, having been married to one of Lord Fujisaki's many cousins.

I remember feeling pity for her at first. She was a woman of high status reduced to teaching a hopeless child, and shortly after having lost her husband, no less. Though I never learned the full story of how Lady Suzumi became widowed, I soon learned that the woman wanted no pity from me or anyone else from the Mogami Clan.

"Stand up straight!" she barked upon our first meeting. Immediately, I obeyed, straightening my posture and holding my chin high. My new governess, drenched in a sea of heavy, bright coloured kimono, circled around me. The bright colours made my head spin, but I forced myself to stay focused. This woman was to be my teacher, the person who guided me through life. I had to make sure I made a good impression on her. Since I was not beautiful, I had to show her I had nerves of steel ready for her to bend and mould into the perfect lady.

"You truly aren't much," was Lady Suzumi's assessment. She lifted my chin with her slender fingers. Her dark eyes bore down into me, making me flinch. "If you become a proper noblewoman you will be truly happy."

"Really?" I squeaked.

"Truly," the woman affirmed. "I will teach you what I know, and you will become as graceful as your sister, Sakuyahime. You could even be as great as your Mother. Pray to the kami that you become like her so you can marry a good man. He will give you a good life, and then you will find true happiness."

"Happiness?" I'd never considered being happy before. I'd lived day and night just to live the next day and night. Sure, I'd prayed to the kami, the guardian spirits of this world, for things like good food and for Mother to notice me, but to ask them for something like that? It seemed rather strange to request a better self from the spirits who had bigger things to worry about like the wind and rain. But to pray for happiness?

My wet nurse had told me such stories about the commoners. Some of those stories featured intervention from the kami, and sometimes the yokai. In those tales the commoners might receive help from the kami or trick a yokai into aiding them to attain some sort of happiness, be it by getting rich or marrying a beautiful person. I'd never considered asking the kami for something so extravagant like that. Could such a fate be meant for me?

"If I become a noble, then can I be happy?" I asked again, excitement within me building.

Lady Suzumi nodded, pleased that we'd reached an understanding. "If you follow my teachings then you will become most happy."

I grinned from ear to ear, excited that I would have someone by my side. But before I could celebrate any further Lady Suzumi added, "Know that the blood of your father flows in you. You are the daughter of a Taisho, so you must live up to his legacy.

"Become a lady of grace and beauty, someone who can dance and play music for the court. Be able to move and speak elegantly, learn to sew and embroider. Attain the knowledge and skills expected of the Taisho's daughter.

"Fail to become a proper noble and you are no daughter of his." She fixed me with a hard stare, emphasizing the importance of her words.

At the time I believed that I really would become like my mother and sister. I believed I could become someone worthy of my father's name. That day I promised myself that I would do everything Lady Suzumi said. I would do well in my studies and find true happiness. It couldn't be that hard.

That was what I thought, but not every dream is meant to be.

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-Hime: a suffix for a young lady of noble birth

Kami: god; deity; divine spirit; guardian spirit

Yokai: apparition; ghost; monster; something strange and mysterious