Star-crossed lovers

Guardian angel

# 2019

*30th November, Earth, 7:20 pm*

Today is a disaster, literally in every single sense. Or maybe it’s worse than that, you’re not exactly sure. When you headed out for your school this morning for the results, you knew very well, it won’t be as good as you’re used to. But... honestly, you didn’t really expect this- disaster, this catastrophe. And you couldn’t blame anyone but you for that. It is indeed your fault, right? Falling inside the deep-dark voids of depression and trauma was your fault, just as your mother says. You are the fault. More reasons to feel worthless, you think.
No, it isn’t a joke when you use the word catastrophic event. Like... what happens when a girl who always scores 98% marks, only gets 84%? What else is it if not a disaster? You could literally see the world shattering infront you as you held the pre-test result card in your trembling hands. Failure, pain, loser, worthless... those voices inside your brain kept shouting at you mercilessly, just a gentle reminder of that you truly failed yourself.
As if salt on your open wounds, those... those backstabbers got ahead of you. These so called ‘friends’ of yours... You’ve sacrificed again and again just for them. After all, they’re your friends, right? And what did you receive in return? Love and support in tough times? No. Betrayal and blackmail? Yes.
But... It’s your fault too. You should’ve been more careful. You should’ve... stopped yourself before you got sucked into this endless void of pain.
~~~~~~
You think back to those painful 7 months, when everyone was studying hard for the upcoming exam, you were curled up in your bed, the room pitch dark as you sobbed and just sobbed. No one once asked if you were okay. And your parents? They simply couldn’t care less about what you were feeling. They just needed you to study like you used to, and score better grades. But you couldn’t... You really couldn’t make yourself grab your text books and read them. You could only cry and feel alone. And hence, the torture started. They stopped giving you food somedays, saying, “If you can spend your day without touching your books, you can make it through without food too.”

Whenever the hunger was unbearable, You asked your mother for food, and she always sent you to your father. Before you could utter a single word, the answer came, “I don’t earn enough money to feed someone as useless as you.”

You wanted to hate him, you really did. But you couldn’t. This thing named ‘unconditional love’ stood against you. They are your parents, even if it didn’t feel like that. Even if they were strangers to you at this point. You should love them as they should love you too. But after all these years, you couldn’t really feel their love. Specially after you merged in the depths of depression and loneliness. The only feelings they showed you were anger and hatred.

Soon enough they started comparing you to others, telling you that you were a burden. That you were a mistake. And with each passing day, the willingness to live your life started fading. As much as you hated to admit it, but you realised at this point that they’re abusive... and toxic.
~~~~~
You sigh against the closed door of your room, you are tired, so tired of your life that even breathing feels tough. You really really wish and pray that this a nightmare and you’re going to wake up soon. But alas, reality is harsh, isn’t it?
You let yourself down... you let everyone down. Everyone who expected from you. You briefly remember the face of your teachers, the ignorance so prominent it made you feel like you didn’t even exist.
And your ‘friends’? Tears blur your eyes yet again as you remember their crooked smiles and teasing looks. They even came to you to show pity. Your stomach churns and you hide yourself in the darkest corner of your room.
As if what you’re already going through isn’t enough, your parents pointed out that you’re a failure, worthless and a burden to them once you reached home. Plus, your father threatened you that he will drink even more alcohol if you don’t
be ‘normal’ again. The pain numbs your senses, the voices in your brain shouting, “Just kill yourself! It’s not worth it!”